Hajrie. What are you making?
Veniamin. Pumpkin soup.
Hajrie. Isn’t cutting up the pumpkin tough to do?
Veniamin. It is, and I know one of these days this blade’ll slip into my fingers.
Hajrie. It’s possible. Why don’t you be careful?
Veniamin. I am, but there’ll be a moment when I’m not paying attention, and that’s that.
Hajrie. Sounds like you’ve created a traumatic event for yourself.
Veniamin. But if that’s true, then I would be afraid of chopping pumpkins.
Hajrie. Aren’t you?
Veniamin. I think I need to actually experience the trauma of cutting my hand before I can actually be afraid.
Hajrie. So until then, you’ll be making pumpkin soup.
Veniamin. I wonder how bad it would be.
End. Chopping Pumpkins for Soup

Suren. Sir, can you spare me some change?
Donatas. I’m sorry, no.
Suren. I can read your palm.
Donatas. It’s okay. I don’t need my palm read.
Suren. Please sir. Let me take your hand.
Donatas. I’m sorry I cannot give you change.
Suren. Here, give me your hand. I will give you a palm reading. You don’t need to give me change. Let me see your palm.
Donatas. Please.
Suren. Your palm. Believe me. You are a good man.
Donatas. Thank you.
Suren. Please, can you spare me some change? You are a good man.
Donatas. Please, I need to go.
End. Good Hands

Pranod. So what’s Uchkun’s story?
Artashes. What. Why does he want to be chased?
Pranod. Yeah, what’s the deal?
Artashes. He gets people to chase him so he’s not depressed.
Pranod. Being chased helps him with his depression?
Artashes. Say you’re depressed, and you have no motivation to do anything. What better way to get your ass moving than having someone chase you? Your instincts switch on. Depression takes a seat.
Pranod. That’s where the money comes in.
Artashes. Right. The chaser has to pay fifty dollars to chase Uchkun all over the city, but if the chaser catches Uchkun in an hour, he’ll win five hundred dollars. If not, then it’s fifty dollars in Uchkun’s pocket.
Pranod. You’d think that if Uchkun was extremely depressed, he wouldn’t care and get caught on purpose.
Artashes. That’s what I was thinking when he was getting away from me.
End. Running From

Nuno. Will you teach me how to float?
Serapion. Do you really believe that I can float?
Nuno. I saw you do it.
Serapion. But why me? Why is it that I can float? Who am I? I’m nobody.
Nuno. But you can. For some reason you can float.
Serapion. When I float, I feel nothing. I just float. That’s all. When I land, everyone around me is shocked. I feel I moved something inside their bodies, but I did nothing. There was a time when I video taped myself floating to watch myself so that maybe I could understand why I can float.
Nuno. What happened?
Serapion. The man in the television screen was not me. Someone else was floating, not me.
Nuno. But when I watched you float, you looked the same to me.
Serapion. It makes sense that it is not me floating though.
End. Floating Doubt

Perika. I have to tell you something.
Esat. What is it?
Perika. Coming here, I got into an accident.
Esat. What? Are you okay?
Perika. I’m fine, but your car. I hit your car.
Esat. What? My car? It was parked. What happened?
Perika. The roads are icy. I just lost control and hit your car.
Esat. Is it bad?
Perika. Yes. I’m so sorry.
Esat. I need my car to get to work. How am I going to get to work?
Perika. I don’t know.
Esat. I can’t believe this is happening.
Perika. I wish I hit a tree or even someone else’s car. I’m so sorry.
Esat. I need to go outside. See how bad it is.
Perika. Please, Esat. Will you forgive me?
Esat. Let’s go outside. I need to get my coat. Wait here for me.
End. Assessing the Damage

One.
Yoichi. It’s been a while since I sat down and read a book.
Kikuko. What’s stopping you?
Yoichi. I guess I forgot that I used to read often.
Kikuko. You’re lucky enough to remember.
Yoichi. Know any authors I can read?
Kikuko. John le Cárre.
Yoichi. Who’s that?
Kikuko. I don’t know really. I read this short story by Haruki Murakami, and the protagonist was on vacation reading a novel by John le Cárre by the side of a pool in Thailand. I’ve been meaning to pick up one of his novels to see any correlations. By the way John le Cárre was referenced, he seemed to be this chic author not many people know about. I’m not even sure he exists at all.
Yoichi. John le Cárre. I wonder who he is. Everything’s up in the air. I’ll look him up.

Two.
Yoichi. Hi, I’m looking for novels by an author named John le Cárre. I can’t seem to find him under “l” or “c.”
Clerk. You’ll find him under “l” in the mystery section.
Yoichi. Ah, mystery.
End. Under Mystery

Bahia. Did you do it?
Erast. I’ll be leaving the job in two weeks.
Bahia. Congratulations. How does it feel?
Erast. I feel guilty.
Bahia. Guilty? Really? Not relieved?
Erast. I met the manager to talk about my leaving.
Bahia. Ms. Sansushkin, right?
Erast. Right. When I told her that I was planning to leave, she asked me when, and I told her in two weeks, but then her face changed. It reminded me of Ginette.
Bahia. Ginette? Your ex-girlfriend?
Erast. Yeah. When I told Ms. Sansushkin I was leaving in two weeks, she looked the same Ginette looked when I broke up with her. She took a moment, looked down at nothing, then gathered herself to ask me more questions. It’s like she gave up and accepted that I was leaving.
Bahia. Do you regret it?
Erast. Why did I think leaving would be so easy?
End. Giving Notice

Silvija. Hey, come in.
Bentsion. So what’s going on?
Silvija. Take a look at this.
Bentsion. No one’s playing that piano.
Silvija. Right. It’s playing music by itself.
Bentsion. It’s not one of those self-playing pianos, is it?
Silvija. Not that I can tell. There’s no electricity going to the piano, and there’s no gears moving the keys.
Bentsion. I don’t get it. How is it playing by itself?
Silvija. I don’t know, but listen to the music. I’ve been listening to it for two hours now. I think it plays according to its environment.
Bentsion. Are you saying that it’s aware of its surroundings?
Silvija. I don’t know, maybe. I played with the piano, and it played along with what I was playing.
Bentsion. But you’ve had this piano for a couple of years now. All the sudden, it’s playing music for you?
Silvija. Yeah, it’s like a strange gift. I don’t know who to thank. What are you doing?
Bentsion. I want to know how it’s playing. It’s just amazing.
Silvija. I’ve already looked inside. For all I can tell it’s a normal piano.
Bentsion. Do you have a toolbox?
Silvija. What?
Bentsion. I want to try something.
Silvija. I don’t think you should.
Bentsion. Don’t you want to know why it’s playing by itself?
Silvija. No, not really.
End. The Music Modifies

Larisa. Hey Eldor.
Eldor. Hey.
Larisa. What are you doing? Building a fire?
Eldor. I'm trying to, but I can't.
Larisa. It's harder to do in the snow, don't you think?
Eldor. If I can't do it here, how am I supposed to do it in Alaska?
Larisa. What are you talking about? Are you going to Alaska?
Eldor. I can't though.
Larisa. Why not?
Eldor. Because, if I'm stuck in the extreme cold of the wilderness by myself, I won't be able to build a fire before my fingers refuse to move.
Larisa. What's gotten into you? Why do you want to go to Alaska?
Eldor. I'm a weak person, Larisa. I don't like it.
Larisa. But like you said. You'll die in the Alaskan wilderness.
Eldor. Exactly.
End. No Fires in Alaska

Aravane. Having fun over there?
Ianis. Where were you?
Aravane. Around. I didn’t want to disturb you with your new friend.
Ianis. It was interesting though. I’ve never had a conversation with a person while taking photos. It was as if I was talking to the object I had in my frame. I took photos of the cake, and it was like the cake was asking me where I was from.
Aravane. She asked you where you were from? Sounds like she’s interested.
Ianis. Heck, I’m interested.
End. Conversations With

Yefim. I love your lips.
Sanja. Are you flirting with me again?
Yefim. Your lips are full, meaningful.
Sanja. How sad it would be to have meaningless lips. It’s one less thing I have to worry about.
Yefim. I think I know why I love your lips so much.
Sanja. Really, there’s no need to tell me. You could write a poem, and then send it to a nice girl.
Yefim. Your lips continue past where they should end. They humble me. I do not deserve to kiss lips so soft and giving.
Sanja. You have quite the imagination. You must have been thinking about it for some time now.
Yefim. Please. I must kiss you.
Sanja. When did you become so desperate? I don’t kiss desperate men. It puts wrong ideas into their heads.
Yefim. If you won’t kiss me, I will have to force myself on you.
Sanja. Couldn’t we shake hands?
End. Having Fun Not Kissing

Levan. What’s that?
Chaabia. I got the pictures of my dog developed.
Levan. Can I have a look at them?
Chaabia. Sure.
Levan. Very cute.
Chaabia. They remind me of photos that people put on posters when their dogs go missing.
Levan. Your dog’s not missing, is it?
Chaabia. No, but when Rousseau finds a way out and goes missing, then I’ll have to make a poster myself.
Levan. Do you really think Rousseau would do that?
Chaabia. I kind of feel Rousseau’s restless. I take him out on walks, but he needs something more. I took him out to the park the other day, and decided to let him loose and let him do whatever he wanted. He just flew. It took me two hours to find him.
Levan. Sounds like a teenaged son.
Chaabia. I think I’ll use this picture when I lose Rousseau.
Levan. It’s nice.
End. Preparation for the Eventual

Stas. That’s it.
Natalya. What?
Stas. That restaurant. Cebu.
Natalya. What about it?
Stas. I dreamt about it, but not the restaurant. I dreamt of going to an island called Cebu.
Natalya. What was it about?
Stas. I was at the beach of the island of Cebu. You could see that it was raining in the distance, so I wanted to stay at the beach for as long as I could until the rain came. Everyone else around me was screaming that the rain was coming, but I was confused. What was the big deal about the rain? But their screaming made me want to leave too. So, I went back to where the banana trees started and climbed up one of them to wait for the rain to come. When it came, it was horrible. Each raindrop was like a fist trying to rip the flesh off my bones. I remember thinking, “when is this going to end?” I just clung onto the tree until the storm finally past. When I woke up, I remembered the name of the island being Cebu. The name was familiar, but I couldn’t figure out where I knew it from.
Natalya. The name of the restaurant. Have you ever eaten there?
Stas. No, but I’ve been meaning to.
End. The Mystery of Cebu

Innokenti. I think the waiter likes you.
Anda. Don’t you think it’s too much though?
Innokenti. I can’t complain when someone buys us plates of desserts.
Anda. But don’t you think his questions are a little too personal?
Innokenti. When he asked you what you were studying? I guess he wanted to know the person he was getting the desserts for.
Anda. There’s a line to cross, and he’s definitely dancing on it. Doesn’t this bother you?
Innokenti. No, why should it? What’s he going to do?
Anda. I don’t know, but I think one more question will put him past the line of decency. I feel underneath the desserts and the jokes, he’s actually being serious.

Waiter. So, how do you like the desserts?
Anda. Very nice.
Innokenti. Yes, thank you very much.
Waiter. Do you like the sorbet? It is my favorite.
Anda. Yes, I enjoyed it very much.
Waiter. That’s good. So, tell me. Did you tell me the two of you were just friends?
Innokenti. Excuse me.
End. Innokenti Gets Out of His Chair, Goes to Anda, and Kisses Her

Ada. So, how did it go?
Tumur. How did what go?
Ada. Meeting your cousin.
Tumur. Oh, right. Pretty well, I suppose. It was like meeting a long lost sister, but we couldn't get past the obligation of being cousins.
Ada. What do you mean?
Tumur. She brought this up: The only reason why we're meeting is because our fathers were brothers.
Ada. So for her, being related by blood is not enough to get to know each other.
Tumur. I think it's because she felt the reason I wanted to see her was only out of obligation.
Ada. Sounds like you didn't have a good time.
Tumur. We did though. I thought so at least. She even trusted me with something she didn't want her family to know.
Ada. What is it?
Tumur. Let's just say she trusted me with it.
Ada. So she trusts you. That didn't help the obligation issue?
Tumur. Apparently not. When I suggested that we could meet again, she hesitated and gave me an ambiguous response. She really thought I suggested it out of obligation.
Ada. How unconsciously stubborn. She could have been like the sister you never had.
Tumur. I would have been a good older brother, too.
End. Obliged to Relate

Aravane. I’m having difficulties controlling my emotions, Uldis.
Uldis. How do you mean?
Aravane. Things are just triggering me. I can’t wait in lines anymore. I feel like bursting into flames. It’s going to take more than basic stress relief to resolve whatever is inside of me.
Uldis. This reminds me of a time when ghosts came into my dreams. They would come, enter my head, and scream their hatred inside of me.
Aravane. I guess you could call what’s inside of me ghosts screaming.
Uldis. I let it happen for about a month, but it was because I let myself believe that the next day would the day when the ghosts would have nothing to scream about, but they always had something the next day. They would fill my head with unnecessary hatred every morning.
Aravane. Are you still having these dreams?
Uldis. No, they’re gone. I finally realized that I could no longer wait out the ghosts. I had to do something about it. I was losing weight. I stopped grooming. I was a mess. People thought I was depressed, and I guess I was, but it wasn’t because of self-hatred or deep loss.
Aravane. What did you do?
Uldis. It took me some figuring out, but I found that if I slept somewhere else, like a bench or a friend’s house, the ghosts would not be in my dreams.
Aravane. So, they only came when you slept in your room. It’s specific to your room.
Uldis. Right.
Aravane. So did you move out?
Uldis. Nope. I took a long vacation in the Caribbean. I slept on the beach, next to waterfalls; I felt as though I was living to sleep rather than experiencing things awake.
Aravane. But what happened when you came back to your apartment?
Uldis. Nothing. The ghosts went away. I dream of friends in illogical situations.
Aravane. Where do you think the ghosts went?
Uldis. They weren’t real, Aravane. They were a product of my unconsciousness, and it was going though this sort of perpetual cycle. I broke it when I went on vacation, so my unconsciousness changed cycles so that the ghosts don’t come back anymore.
Aravane. What if they come back again?
Uldis. Well, I know if they do, I can do something about it.
Aravane. So, I have to change my unconscious perpetual cycle.
Uldis. It’s worth a try.
Aravane. I have no idea where to start.
Uldis. You’ll figure something out. I’ve always thought the unconsciousness was overrated anyways. Play within its rules, and you can beat it.
Aravane. I wonder if it’s healthy to fool the unconsciousness like that.
Uldis. It seems only fair.
End. Unconscious Perpetual Cycle

Attilio. What you want to do is find a rock and make sure that the monkeys see you pick it up. It's one of the things that separate us and monkeys. We can use things as tools and in this case, weapons.
Gennadi. How big does the rock have to be?
Attilio. Something large so that the monkey will scream when it hits its side. This'll do. See how the gang is moving away?
Gennadi. They seem pretty reluctant though.
Attilio. They may not want to, but they don't want to be hurt either. These monkeys are traumatized by little kids yelling and hurling rocks while they sleep.
Gennadi. Don't they have hostilities towards us because of that?
Attilio. They may want to do something to us, but they know that can't cross that line - no sense of sacrifice, selflessness.
Gennadi. They seem to have a lot of self-control. What happened to the wild inside?
Attilio. When is comes to pain, the wild scatters.
Gennadi. That monkey's coming our way.
Attilio. Get that rock over there.
Gennadi. But what if I miss and it angers him?
Attilio. It's never gotten to that point with me. Act if you're going to bury the rock into their skull. Monkeys don't know what it means to bluff.
Gennadi. I have to remember to only play poker with loaded monkeys.
End. Poker with Loaded Monkeys

Hristo. Hey.
Nana. Hello.
Hristo. What are you doing here?
Nana. I’m waiting for a friend.
Hristo. There are some chairs in the lounge.
Nana. I know, but look at this.
Hristo. What? The rest closet?
Nana. I just noticed it. What is a rest closet?
Hristo. Could be a restroom, but smaller.
Nana. Maybe, but I’m thinking there might be a bed in there.
Hristo. That would make sense too. Why? Are you tired?
Nana. It’s been a hard week. It would be nice to lie down.
Hristo. Here, let’s open the door and find out what a rest closet is.
Nana. It’s locked.
End. Disappearing into the Rest Closet

Remigius. Hey.
Semyon. Hey, how are you?
Remigius. Good. Have the other’s shown up?
Semyon. Nope. Just us so far.
Remigius. It’s been a while. When was the last time?
Semyon. Last year, I think.
Remigius. Has it been that long?
Semyon. I barely see the others much either.
Remigius. Really?
Semyon. We’re living separate and different lives. I wouldn’t call it a bad thing. I feel we’re all heading for something good.
Remigius. We used to do every stinking thing together.
Semyon. It’s good that you come to visit time to time.
Remigius. I get out here every chance I get. Call it an escape from my own world.
Semyon. It’s interesting. The only times Tarek, Naum, and I meet up now is when you come.
Remigius. Really?
Semyon. I’m thinking of leaving the city as well.
Remigius. When? Where?
Semyon. In the next couple of months. Somewhere on the West coast.
Remigius. So this might be the last time with everyone for a while.
Semyon. Probably.
Remigius. Where are they?
End. Waiting for Tarek and Naum

Pannos. How do you feel?
Ralis. I'm a bit nervous.
Pannos. I don't blame you.
Ralis. I can't calm down. I feel like a little boy. I can't get it out of me.
Pannos. Take a walk.
Ralis. Take a walk? Where do I go?
Pannos. I remember the day Artyom was born. I was so nervous, I couldn't just go to the hospital, so I took a walk. I didn't know where I was going, I was letting the crosswalk signs guide me. Then a couple of blocks from the hospital, I run into this bowling alley. I'm like, what the hell. I'll go bowling.
Ralis. You went bowling when your first son was born?
Pannos. Have you ever bowled by yourself, Ralis?
Ralis. No, I don't think so.
Pannos. It doesn't matter if you hit a strike or not. Everyone else is paying attention to their own games. I pick up a spilt spare, and no one witnesses it. I throw a gutter, and no one cares. So why am I trying to still throw strikes and pick up that spare?
Ralis. I guess that's what you're supposed to do in bowling.
Pannos. That's right. In bowling, you're supposed to try to get strikes and spares.
Ralis. So you think I should go bowling to calm down?
Pannos. I'm just saying that you should take a walk. You may run into a bowling alley or not. You'll run into something.
Ralis. Yeah, you're right. I gotta get out of here.
End. Rolling into Pins

Liliya. That looks nice. Can you make that?
Gediminas. It’s not too hard. Do you want me to make it?
Liliya. Go to the next page. Let’s see what else is there.
Gediminas. Here’re more fish dishes.
Liliya. These photos are really nice. I’m getting hungry.
Gediminas. Do you want me to make one of these dishes?
Liliya. I don’t know. Will it take long? I might need to eat something instantly.
Gediminas. How long is too long?
Liliya. Wait, what was that? Turn back.
Gediminas. Here?
Liliya. There. That’s so cute.
Gediminas. Which picture?
Liliya. The pink chicken chopped into neat little pieces. It’s adorable.
Gediminas. Perhaps we should get something from a street cart.
Liliya. I would like a cute hotdog.
End. Instantly Cute

Romualdas. Have you ever seen a man pull out a gun in the open before?
Liesel. No, I don’t think so. Oh, there’s always soldiers with automatic rifles at international airports it seems.
Romualdas. Yeah, they always have their rifles pointing down, slung around their shoulders.
Liesel. It’s a pretty normal sight, I think.
Romualdas. I was following two security guards transferring two bags on a hand truck today.
Liesel. Did they have rifles?
Romualdas. No, they had hand guns in their holsters sticking out of their sides, but one of them, the one who wasn’t pushing the hand truck had a hand on his gun.
Liesel. You felt like he was going to pull it out or something?
Romualdas. Yeah, the way he was touching the gun. He was thinking about his gun, ready to pull it out in case something wrong happened. He was going to pull it out and point it at someone.
Liesel. Did he? Did he pull it out?
Romualdas. When they got to their armored truck on the side of the road, the guard took it out of his holster. He pointed it down with his finger off the trigger and on the guard. Both of them were wearing bulletproof vests over their uniforms. I really felt he wanted something wrong to occur - any excuse for him to discharge a round or two into someone’s shoulder.
Liesel. I think you wanted something to go wrong.
End. Wanting Something Wrong

Inessa. I'm a little worried about Armen.
Gasan. Armen? Why? What's going on?
Inessa. I just saw him before he left for work. He looked like death was waiting to take him by the hand around the corner to disappear.
Gasan. I wonder what's wrong?
Inessa. I stopped him because he didn't recognize me. I asked him if there was something wrong. He told me that he just hopes someone, anyone would give him a smile, so I gave him a smile.
Gasan. That was nice. Did he feel better?
Inessa. I hope so.
Gasan. Sounds like he needs something good to affect his life.
Inessa. I feel like he's on the brink, but I don't know what he would do exactly. I'm a little afraid. He can be quite extreme.
Gasan. Violent?
Inessa. Yes, but more toward himself.
Gasan. Do you think he'll hurt himself?
Inessa. If he has reason to, I think so.
Gasan. Why would he hurt himself?
Inessa. Cause he doesn't like himself so much.
Gasan. So hurting himself would be a sort of self-punishment?
Inessa. But does it really help anything?
Gasan. If he doesn't think there's anything to help, then maybe self-punishment is the only thing he can take control of. Like people committing suicide, for some of them, taking one's life is almost like taking control of one's life.
Inessa. Gasan?
Gasan. Yes?
Inessa. I need a smile, too.
End. Gasan Smiles

Zhanna. What are we doing here?
Regimantas. Sometimes, I like coming here to listen to the Japanese customers speak Japanese.
Zhanna. That’s why we’re here?
Regimantas. I’m also having my vivid dreams again.
Zhanna. What did you dream?
Regimantas. I met this girl, and we were having a great time with each other. We walked up and down the streets, talking, I felt like my true self with her.
Zhanna. Sounds nice.
Regimantas. We ended up at a cross walk where we said good bye. Then she crossed the street to get on a bus at a bus stop. I woke up shortly after and realized that I was speaking to her in Japanese.
Zhanna. So that’s why we’re here? Because of your dream?
Regimantas. I just wondered if I would be able to understand the Japanese spoken here.
Zhanna. Well, do you?
Regimantas. No, not really.
End. Wagarimasen

Josie Cartin. Excuse me?
Fyodor. Hello? Where are you?
Josie Cartin. Here. Down here.
Fyodor. Oh, have you come to throw rocks at me?
Josie Cartin. No, that was my friend.
Fyodor. I saw you with her. You need to tell your friend that she needs to practice throwing, or was she trying to hit the tree?
Josie Cartin. She was trying to hit you. After we ran away, I told her that she shouldn’t have done it. We’re not talking anymore.
Fyodor. I’m sorry to hear that.
Josie Cartin. It’s okay. She does a lot of things I don’t like. There was one time when she didn’t have anywhere to put her gum, so she stuck it in one of your trees.
Fyodor. Yeah people do that.
Josie Cartin. Do you take care of all these trees?
Fyodor. That’s my job.
Josie Cartin. Aren’t you afraid to fall?
Fyodor. I fell once. I made sure I’d never do it again.
Josie Cartin. What happened?
Fyodor. I forgot to secure my harness. I just leaned all my weight on nothing and so I fell.
Josie Cartin. Did you hurt yourself?
Fyodor. Couple fractured ribs, burns on my hands from grabbing branches, nothing too bad, kind of lucky I suppose.
Josie Cartin. Are you okay now?
Fyodor. Sure I am.
Josie Cartin. My friend told me that you love trees so much that you only eat meat and not vegeatables.
Fyodor. Do you believe what she says?
Josie Cartin. No, but you love your trees, don’t you?
Fyodor. Yes, you could say that I do.
Josie Cartin. Do you only eat meat then?
Fyodor. I eat just about everything. I just don’t eat trees.
Josie Cartin. Well, I have to go home. It’s almost dinner time.
Fyodor. Maybe I’ll try to have some of this tree for dinner today.
Josie Cartin. Okay, um, bye.
Fyodor. Bye.
End. Talking to the Tree Climber

Arünas. Whoops, excuse me.
Gisela. Excuse me.
Arünas. Wow, that is a nice jacket. I mean really.
Gisela. Thank you.
Arünas. Okay well, bye.
Gisela. Bye.
Machteld. Will you stop flirting with strangers?
Arünas. I didn’t like her shirt, though.
End. Nice Jacket, Bad Shirt

Saulius. What are you doing?
Sofya. I don’t know. What am I doing?
Saulius. You’re peeling off the labels off your bottles of beer.
Sofya. It’s a good sign of how drunk I am. You see. You have to peel them with the right amount of tension or else the label doesn’t come off completely. Here, I’ll pull a perfect label just for you. Oh no, I’m messing up. This one’s a bad one. I’m sorry.
Saulius. It’s okay.
Sofya. I would give you these other labels, but they’re for the waiters and bartenders.
Saulius. Are you drunk?
Sofya. I feel drunk.
Saulius. Do you feel good?
Sofya. I think so, but I’ve run out of labels to peel. It might make me sad.
Saulius. I could order another round of beer.
Sofya. That’ll make me happy.
End. Labels to Peel

Saveli. Hey, can I ask you a question?
Grigori. What is it?
Saveli. Do you know Inga?
Grigori. Yeah, she's in my math class. Do you like her? Do you want to ask her out?
Saveli. How do I do that?
Grigori. You Freshman. Do you know her? Have you talked to her?
Saveli. Yeah, I know her.
Grigori. Then what's the problem? Just ask her. Tell her she looks cute, and then tell her that you'll win her teddy bears at carnivals.
Saveli. I'm serious. I like her.
Grigori. Then what's the problem? Just ask her out.
Saveli. Then what? I don't know what to do with her.
Grigori. What do you mean? Get a pizza. Have it at the cemetery. Go to the beach. Build a fire.
Saveli. That's what you'd do. I like her, Grigori. I want her to be my girlfriend, but I don't know what to do with her.
Grigori. You're such a Freshman. You catch a fish, you eat it.
Saveli. She's no fish.
End. Fishing for Paralysis

Marcos. I’ve finally figured out why strangers get into conversations of familiarity with other strangers.
Evgenia. What do you mean?
Marcos. You know how you’re at an airport or a park and the person next to you just gets into a conversation with you?
Evgenia. Yeah, it puts me off guard, but don’t they talk out of sheer loneliness?
Marcos. Yes, but more to the point is that they don’t have to show their faults or sadness to a complete stranger. I mean, usually a stranger’s going to be happy, maybe even too happy.
Evgenia. I’ve talked to strangers who’ve told me about their wives leaving them. They didn’t seem too happy.
Marcos. That’s when they have put an unusual amount of trust in a stranger, and in that case, they have something specific to talk about. I’m talking about those people who just come up and sit next to you then talk about whatever random thing appears in their minds. Now these people might have a husband, or a wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, mother, father, whatever; someone they’re close to, but that husband or wife or whoever knows the negative side of the stranger who will come up to me and just talk to me.
Evgenia. What are you saying? Do you mean that strangers approach other strangers simply to be in a conversation with someone does not know their bad qualities?
Marcos. It’s a relationship at an extremely safe and surface level. Take our relationship for example. When we first met each other, we didn’t know our faults as people, the initial time we’ve spent with each other were great because our faults were not apparent, but after time you come to know my faults and I come to know your faults, but it’s only because we’ve learned to trust one another.
Evgenia. Then these strangers have a difficult time trusting people?
Marcos. It more like they rather be seen in a good light than trust in people.
Evgenia. It’s much easier, I suppose, but if I were to talk to stranger after stranger, I’d think I would become numb to the individual. I would treat everyone in the same generic way.
Marcos. Kind of like how restaurants treat their customers.
Evgenia. But I know waitresses to personalize their treatment with regular customers.
Marcos. Those are the best restaurants.
Evgenia. I know one where they know me. Are you hungry? Want to go?
Marcos. Please.
End. Conversations of Familiarity

Artashes. There he is.
Pranod. Who?
Artashes. It's Uchkun. Quick, do you have twenty dollars? I just have thirty.
Pranod. What? Why do you need fifty dollars?
Artashes. Shoot, he's getting away. Do you have it or not?
Pranod. Yeah, I guess I do.
Artashes. Here, here. Give it up. I'll pay you back.
Pranod. What is going on? Who is that guy?
Artashes. Thanks. I'll see you later today. Can you take my bag? Here, can you take my jacket, too?
Pranod. Where are you going?
End. When Artashes gives Uchkun fifty dollars, Uchkun will run from being caught by Artashes. If Artashes catches Uchkun, Uchkun will give Artashes $500. If not, Uchkun keeps the fifty.

Rennae. Is it too late to have the peach-rasberry pie?
Waitress. You're just in time. It's our last day. Would you like an order?
Rennae. I'll have the baklava.
End. Something Else

Nestor. Look at this.
Sesil. What is it?
Nestor. It's a note I wrote to myself.
Sesil. "Leaving trees paper planes?" What does that mean?
Nestor. I don't know. I don't even remember writing it.
Sesil. This is your handwriting. I can barely read it. But you don't remember writing it? Where did you find it?
Nestor. On my kitchen table. I wonder if I was sleepwalking.
Sesil. It's kind of like you're communicating with yourself.
Nestor. It's weird, though. What was I trying to tell myself? Leaving trees paper planes? There's something familiar about it, but it makes no sense.
Sesil. You should write a note back.
Nestor. To myself? Will you be the first one to welcome me to the funny farm?
Sesil. I'll plan for your escape.
Nestor. What should I write?
Sesil. Just ask yourself what leaving trees paper planes means.
Nestor. Would I really know what it means?
Sesil. You wrote it. Then you should ask why you wrote it.
Nestor. I should write myself to stop writing notes to myself.
End. Leaving Trees Paper Planes

Sanna. What's that?
Slimane. What's what?
Sanna. That smell. What is that? Have you been smoking?
Slimane. Yes, I have.
Sanna. What are you doing smoking?
Slimane. I was with Ellah. You know how she smokes.
Sanna. So you smoked with her?
Slimane. She didn't want to smoke by herself. She's trying to quit, but she had to have a smoke. Smoking with me made her feel less guilty. She even gave me the rest of the pack. Where are they? Here they are.
Sanna. I don't know. Sounds like you were flirting with her.
Slimane. I've known Ellah for a long time. We're beyond flirting I would think.
Sanna. Don't you miss it though?
Slimane. Miss what?
Sanna. Flirting. You used to tell me how good you were at it.
Slimane. I am easy to talk to.
Sanna. Well, don't you miss it then?
Slimane. I don't think you'd believe me, but no, not really. It's not like I'm itching to make conversation with new girls.
Sanna. You're not?
Slimane. Really. I would say that I'm not only beyond flirting with Ellah, but also with all other girls.
Sanna. Really now?
Slimane. Yeah, I think so, of course with a few exceptions.
Sanna. Alun's having a party tonight. Feel like going and not flirting with new girls?
Slimane. Wouldn't you rather go somewhere else and finish this pack of cigarettes with me?
End. Smoke Out of the Mouth

Feridun. Hey. What are you doing here?
Kadri. Hey. I can't hear you.
Feridun. You can't hear me?
Kadri. No. Can you come around?
Feridun. Sorry, I'm late.
Kadri. You have a date?
Feridun. I have a date.
Kadri. You could always skip and have coffee with me.
Feridun. What?
End. Inside Outside of a Coffee House

Nevra. Hi.
Mete. Hi.
Nevra. Oh, your coins are falling out of your pocket.
Mete. Let them fall.
End. Nevra on the Couch with Mete

Sibelle. Can you find my green jacket?
Miike. Where is it?
Sibelle. It should be on the chair you're sitting at.
Miike. There's a black jacket here. Do you mean this one?
Sibelle. That's the jacket, but it's really a dark green.
Miike. You're right. It is green.
End. Temporarily Color Blind

Enide. Where you going?
Otelo. Up. Where you going?
Enide. Down.
Otelo. I'll see you later, then.
Enide. Later.
End. At West Fouth Street Station

All 921 residents of Ocracoke Island in North Carolina's vulnerable Outer Banks were ordered to begin evacuating Monday afternoon. A line quickly formed at the ferry dock.

One.
Potito. Yo, excuse me. Excuse me.
Aleksey. Yes?
Potito. I’m going to ask you to do a big favor for me.
Aleksey. Yes?
Potito. Do you know where University Ave. is?
Aleksey. Yeah, it’s a couple of blocks from here.
Potito. Yeah, here’s the favor. I need you to drive me there.
Aleksey. I’m sorry?
Potito. I’m desperate. I’m drunk, man. My wife’s drunk. I can’t drive there myself.
Aleksey. Don’t you know anyone else to drive you?
Potito. There’re people, but you’re right here. Come on. Can you open the door?
Aleksey. I don’t know. I’ve had bad experiences driving strangers to different places.
Potito. Stranger? I’m no stranger. I live at 138B. You live here, don’t you?
Aleksey. Yes, but.
Potito. We’re neighbors. I’m no stranger. My name is Potito. I’ve got a wife and son. I don’t want your money, I just need a ride.
Aleksey. I’m a little confused. Why do you need to go to University Ave.?
Potito. I need to meet my brother. I’ve got some business to attend to.
Aleksey. Now, you don’t need to lie to me.
Potito. You don’t believe me? Here, I’m going to call my wife. You can talk to her.

Two.
Aleksey. Hello?
Denisa. Hi.
Aleksey. Does this make sense to you?
Denisa. You can say no.
Aleksey. I don’t know. Your husband’s pretty adamant about me driving him.
Denisa. Just say no. It’s okay.
Aleksey. Okay. Thanks. Here’s your husband.

Three.
Potito. So, now you believe me?
Aleksey. She said it’s okay not to drive you.
Potito. What? No, no, no, come on. You’ve got to drive me. It’s only a couple blocks away. It’s nothing to you. Come on, do me a favor. It’s just right there.
Aleksey. Bastard. I don’t believe this.

Four.
Potito. You’re a good man for driving me. You don’t know how much this means to me. Hey, why are you stopping here? You gotta go a couple more blocks.
Aleksey. Here, take out your knife and stab me in the stomach as many times as you want. I’ll try not to struggle too much.
End. Ready for the Initial Point

Ignacio. Hi.
Chanelle. Hi.
Ignacio. Just earlier, I waved to you.
Chanelle. Yes?
Ignacio. This didn’t bother you?
Chanelle. No, not really. Alyona introduced us earlier. I don’t see any problem in waving hello.
Ignacio. I have to admit, it felt a little uncomfortable. Waving to you that is. I mean, we barely talked. Should I be waving to with the familiarity of a friend?
Chanelle. I’m sorry. Did you want to take it back?
Ignacio. Take what back?
Chanelle. Your wave?
Ignacio. I can do that?
Chanelle. I don’t know. Maybe not.
Ignacio. I don’t know why this is bothering me, but I feel this needs to be resolved. I think I want to be able to wave to you and feel comfortable about it.
Chanelle. I think I understand.
Ignacio. Actually, it goes beyond waving to you. I find you very interesting. I need to know why. What are you doing afterwards?
Chanelle. Nothing really.
Ignacio. Do you think you can help me with this?
Chanelle. I’d like to try.
End. Date to Resolve

Somdev. Hello?
Hermes. Hello? Somdev?
Somdev. Yes?
Hermes. Hi, this is Hermes.
Somdev. Hermes?
Hermes. Right, I’m a friend of Ipora’s?
Somdev. Oh, okay. Did you want something?
Hermes. Well, it has to do with Ipora.
Somdev. What about her?
Hermes. She’s a little confused.
Somdev. Confused about what?
Hermes. She’s not exactly sure why you haven’t called her yet.
Somdev. What do you mean?
Hermes. She’s been waiting for you to call today about when and where you’ll be going to dinner, but you haven’t. You know how she doesn’t like to wait.
Somdev. Why didn’t she just call me?
Hermes. It’s a pride thing, I think. For her to call you is a sign of her dependence on you, which is kind of silly if you think about it, but that’s how she views her relationship with you. She needs to know that she’s in command of this relationship and thus the stronger one in the relationship.
Somdev. I don’t think I want to talk about this with you.
Hermes. I understand, and I don’t really know how you feel about Ipora, but I have a pretty good idea about how she feels about you. In some way, she feels that she can do much better than you, which explains why she feels that she should not have to call you and reveal how much she wants to talk to you, but she also doesn’t want to simply let you go since she doesn’t want to be lonely. With you, she’s not lonely.
Somdev. You cannot simplify our relationship like that.
Hermes. I don’t know. It clears a lot of the complications out, though. It’s easier to sort through.
Somdev. I’m going to hang up and call Ipora now.
Hermes. Good, you have a lot to discuss.
End. Refusing to Talk

Sein. Do you need to shave?
Erkin. I don’t know. Do you have a razor?
Sein. I do, but it’s for my legs.
Erkin. Can I see?
Sein. Here.
Erkin. Well, I’ll try it. I don’t know how close the shave would be, but I guess this would be closest to your legs I’ll ever get.
Sein. Um, okay? I’m not sure how I’m supposed to react to what you just said.
Erkin. This reminds me of a time I was in France. I stayed at a friend of a friend’s flat, and he has two daughters who are twins. They look exactly alike, but one has a port wine birthmark on her cheek, so it’s very easy to tell them apart.
Sein. Port wine birthmark? Like Gorbachev?
Erkin. Right, but on her cheek rather than her head. I actually know another girl who has a port wine birthmark on the side of her cheek. I don’t know why, but I found her birthmark extremely attractive. I think it was because of a novel I read about a protagonist who, one day found a blue stain on his cheek, and could not wash it off. Earlier, he made a friend with a young girl who lived nearby. She saw the mark and licked the mark on his face. What I read came toward the edge of what was right and wrong. So I imagined what it would be like if I licked my friend’s port wine birthmark on the side of her cheek, but she would knock me down if I got anywhere near her.
Sein. You do have that affect on women.
Erkin. Call it a power if you will. So in France, whenever I got up to brush my face and shave, the twin with the port wine birthmark on her cheek would come and watch me shave. She was mesmerized. I stayed with them for two weeks, and every day she would stand by the door and watch me shave. It was somewhat comforting to know someone was witnessing me shaving.
Sein. I guess it’s like when someone watches me prepare my bread. All my efforts into making the dough, letting it rise, and punching back down are seen, rather than just being eaten.
Erkin. Right, I take pride in my shaving techniques, but no one sees them or appreciates them.
Sein. Would you like me to watch you shave?
Erkin. Even though I’m using a woman’s razor, with women’s shaving cream, yes.
End. The Attraction of Gorbachev

Gennadi. I wonder if I have some sort of attraction to the piano.
Ansley. How do you mean?
Gennadi. I seem to have relationships with girls who are quite skilled at the piano.
Ansley. Katja plays the piano, doesn’t she?
Gennadi. Yes, and I would say she’s the best pianist I’ve dated.
Ansley. Really? What about the others?
Gennadi. The first and third piano girls were very good. You could tell that they loved playing the piano. The second was good too, and studied the piano at one of the best music schools in the country, but she really didn’t enjoy playing. The only reason why she played was because she had nothing else to do.
Ansley. At least it’s the piano. It beats studying something like math and hating it.
Gennadi. I hate math.
Ansley. I do too. It pisses me off.
Gennadi. But, there is a difference between Katja and the other piano girls.
Ansley. How’s that?
Gennadi. I told her about a theater that occasionally shows silent films during the week. Sometimes, in order to keep the viewing experience as genuine as possible, a pianist would accompany the film because that is what they would do back then. I went to see a restoration of a three hour D.W. Griffith film accompanied by a silent pianist. The pianist was one of four pianists that can do what he does in accompanying silent films. There was no sheet music. He has never even seen the film before. He just played to the film according to the mood of the scene. Three hours he did it for, and he was even sick when he was asked to play. He would improvise everything piano. It was really amazing.
Ansley. Sounds amazing.
Gennadi. When I told Katja about the silent pianist, she started to cry.
End. The Silent Pianist

Joachim. What do you have in the bag?
Saori. A box of whistles and a box of chalk.
Joachim. What for?
Saori. I really don’t know. I’m not surprised about getting the box of chalk. I enjoy the sound of the pieces sliding and clicking against each other in the box. It’s very clean and familiar, but I am surprised about the whistles. There’s nothing familiar about them. Whistles have nothing to do with me, but I had this urge to get them as well.
Joachim. Does it have to do with the box itself? What about a box of matches?
Saori. But matches make sense. I have distinct memories with matches, but I really want to know what my fascination is with these whistles. Not until I saw these whistles did I have any feelings for them. I could have lived my entire life without own any whistles.
Joachim. But now you have a box of twenty.
Saori. I do have a small memory of whistles in general when I was a kid, but it doesn’t have a specific place or time. I think I was most interested in the ball found inside each whistle, how it would shake inside the hollow of the whistle, and that I could only touch it through the blowhole opening with the tip of my pinky finger. I remember would even try to touch it with my tongue. That said, I can’t say that the reason why I got a box of whistles was because of the ball inside each one. That would make me some sort of nut case, don’t you think?
Joachim. Do you want to open each whistle to get to the ball?
Saori. Do you know where we can get a pair of metal cutters?
End. Boxes to Open

Amer. What?
Bohdan. What?
Amer. You want to tell me something don’t you?
Bohdan. Well.
Amer. What is it? You know something, don’t you?
Bohdan. I’m starting to rethink telling you what will happen.
Amer. What do you mean? Whatever you’ve told me has come true. It’s really helped me with decisions.
Bohdan. Yes, but my telling you all these things, it’s not helping you in a sense. If anything, you’ve become dependent on me.
Amer. Do you feel like I’m using you?
Bohdan. No, not really, but it’s only because you’re not used to the fact that I can tell you what’s going to happen.
Amer. But you do have something to say about my life?
Bohdan. Well. I’m not sure if I should tell you anymore.
Amer. Can you tell me if it’s going to be good or bad?
Bohdan. This is the problem. You don’t have any confidence in your life. I mean, at least you’re uncertain about your life that you need me to calm you down.
Amer. These couple past months have been real tough.
Bohdan. But whatever I told you, you’ve become calm about it, right?
Amer. Well at first, of course I was skeptical, but now I know you’re telling the truth.
Bohdan. Then don’t you see that everything’s going to be okay? It might be hard, but everything that I’ve told you has been leading up to something good. I don’t need to tell you these things anymore. You should know already that it’s going to be okay.
Amer. Is it going to be okay?
Bohdan. You don’t need to ask that question. You’ve made it this far.
Amer. You make it seem too easy to be calm about everything. I admit, I don’t know what’s going to happen. I feel like I’m out of control of the situation. All I’m doing is waiting.
Bohdan. Then wait until you have something to do.
Amer. Then what will I have to do?
Bohdan. Think about it.
End. Telling the Truth

Violeta. You know, when we first met, I didn’t think you were attracted to me. I didn’t think you even wanted to see me again.
Iskander. Really? You had no idea?
Violeta. Really. You hide your feelings too well.
Iskander. It was the first time we met.
Violeta. I know, but still.
Iskander. Well, I thought I was just mirroring what you felt about me. I didn’t think you were highly attracted to me. Maybe you were, but it was somewhere in between attraction and comfort.
Violeta. Yeah, I was very comfortable. Is that how attraction works – comfort then attraction?
Iskander. In our case, yes. I think that’s how it happened.
Violeta. I think rather than being in between comfort and attraction, it was more like I was moving from one to the other.
Iskander. Well then, I miss read you.
Violeta. So what about now? Where do you think I am, in this scale from comfort to attraction?
Iskander. I would say that you were quite attracted to me.
Violeta. And I would say that you were quite attracted to me as well.
Iskander. That would be a pretty accurate assessment.
Violeta. So we know that we’re attracted to each other. What should we do?
Iskander. I think we should kiss.
Violeta. I think we should.
End. In Between Comfort and Attraction

Nadejda. Can I tell you a story about Meco?
Mircea. I don’t know. You know I don’t like hearing about him.
Nadejda. But I think hearing this story will put things into perspective.
Mircea. Really?
Nadejda. Please, I think you need to hear it.
Mircea. Okay.
Nadejda. There was a period in Meco’s life when he was utterly depressed. He was self-destructive both mentally and physically. It was scary when he told me the things that he did to himself. One time, he decided to repeatedly smash his head against this heavy door. He ended up with a concussion, and the door actually split down the middle.
Mircea. He sounds very violent.
Nadejda. Maybe, but he told me that it was because of the anti-depressants they gave him. The medication actually made him worse, but he didn’t realize it cause he was in a terrible state in the first place. Anyways, he suffered all of the side effects. He had nightmares, couldn’t sleep, he would wake up in a cold sweat every morning, he heard an electric buzzing in his head, and it also made him violent.
Mircea. Oh, so it’s wasn’t him. It was the medication.
Nadejda. Yeah, I think so. So, one day, he gets into an argument with his girlfriend at the time.
Mircea. I didn’t know he had a girlfriend.
Nadejda. This was a couple of years ago. They broke up after the argument.
Mircea. What happened?
Nadejda. Well, they get into an argument and all the sudden, Meco snaps. He wants to do something violent, so he’s looking around the room. He then takes his girlfriend’s armchair and shatters a nearby window. It’s not enough though. He smashes another one. I think he told me that shards of glass fell into his girlfriend’s rabbit cage. The girlfriend freaks and tells him to leave, and he does. He goes back to his apartment, but he realizes that he left his wallet at the girlfriend’s apartment. At this time, he’s totally cool. Whatever violence was in him had left. So, he decides to return to the girlfriend’s apartment for his wallet. When he does, two cops are waiting for him at the door. He greets them and explains that he came back to get his wallet. The cops ask him questions. You know, to figure if he’s going to be violent again or hurt himself again. They ask him questions, and Meco’s answering them with a steady calm. Then the cops ask him if he’s capable of hurting himself, and Meco answers yes. “If I can do this, then I’m capable of anything,” he says. So this gives the cops the green light to take him into the hospital for counseling, but Meco wants nothing to do with it. He’s not insured and really, counseling is a waste of time for him. The cops say they have to take him in, but Meco’s like no. He tells them that he’d rather go to jail since he doesn’t have to pay for jail. The cops give him no choice in the matter and tell him that he’s going to the hospital, like it or not. Meco then tells them that if that’s the case then he’ll have to resist. So when the cops take his arms, Meco pulls back and resists. One of the cops then sprays Meco’s face with pepper, and the other one starts punching his kidneys.
Mircea. He fought with two cops?
Nadejda. He would not go to the hospital. It comes to a point when Meco is bear hugging one of the cops by the waist on the floor of the girlfriend’s apartment. That cops yells to the other cop that Meco is trying to reach his gun, but Meco is yelling back, “I’m not trying to get your gun!” The other cop starts wailing on Meco to get him off. The girlfriend is screaming for him to go to the hospital, even offering to pay for the bills, but Meco says that no one’s going to pay anything cause he’s not going to the hospital.
After some time, all three stop and Meco is exhausted, but he’s still not going, until one of the cops goes to him and tells him that if he goes to the hospital, the police department will pay for his hospital bills. Meco’s asks, “really?” and the cops says yes, so Meco lets the cops handcuff him and take him in an ambulance to the emergency room since they messed him up a bit.
Mircea. That’s insane.
Nadejda. He won, though. He got the police to pay.
Mircea. So why are you telling me this about Meco?
Nadejda. He’s coming to take me away from you.
End. The Police Pays

Tomer. I kissed Yasmina the other day.
Alida. Really? What was it like?
Tomer. You know how I hate kissing in public?
Alida. Yes. Did you kiss at a food court?
Tomer. That would be funny wouldn’t it? But no, we kissed when were crossing a street. I was being real gentlemanlike, you know? I asked her if it was okay to kiss her on the cheek, and she said sure, but when I kissed her on the cheek, she turned her face to me. We found ourselves kissing rather deeply right there at the street corner. Genetic material was being exchanged.
Alida. Was anyone there?
Tomer. No, but there were cars driving by. I could feel their headlights on the both of us, but it didn’t bother me. It was memorable for all of us, drivers and all.
Alida. You must really like her.
Tomer. Yeah, you could say that.
End. Drivers and All

One.
Daoud. Hey, Aicha.
Hey, what’s wrong?
Aicha?
Aicha. What?
Daoud. What's going on?
Aicha. Nothing.

Two.
Aicha. Daoud?
Daoud. What’s up?
Aicha. Where are you going?
Daoud. I’m going upstairs. Got to drop this off.
Aicha. Oh, okay.
Daoud. You feeling better?
Aicha. Yeah, I am.
Daoud. Good.
End. Nothing Better

Moumen. What’s that in your hand?
Selima. Oh this? It’s a plastic bag that followed me home.
Moumen. I’m sorry?
Selima. I was walking home from work, and this bag first kept close to my ankles, so I didn’t think much of it, but it just kept following me.
Moumen. The plastic bag?
Selima. It must have been blown from the street market nearby. It’s a windy day.
Moumen. You can’t really believe that that bag followed you home.
Selima. At first, I didn’t, but everywhere I went, it would follow me. I really think this bag has emotional qualities. There was a time when I didn’t see the bag, but then when I turned around, I found it peeking at me from around a corner. It was shy, so I encouraged it to come and follow me. I mean, it’s just a bag. It’s not going to hurt me.
Moumen. Are you okay? Did you hit your head on something?
Selima. I feel fine. I just don’t know how to take care of a plastic bag. What do I feed it? Would it be happy if I filled it with items like apples and oranges?
Moumen. Come with me, there’s a hospital near here.
Selima. I’m fine really. I know you think I’m nuts for treating a plastic bag like a pet, but you had to be there. No one’s going to believe me, but I saw it follow me. I saw it shy away from me. I wasn’t imagining that.
Moumen. Okay, I kind of want to believe you as crazy as this sounds. Can you show me, then? Can you put the bag down and have it follow you?
Selima. Yes, that’s a good idea.
Here, let me put you down.
Can you see that it doesn’t want to be put down? That it’s clinging to my arm now?
It’s okay. I’ll put you down then you can just come right back into my arms. Okay good. There you go.
Oh no, where are you going? Why are you running away?

You think I’m crazy don’t you?
Moumen. It is a windy day.
End. Not so Plastic Bag

Naima. Hey.
Laetan. Hey, Naima. What are you doing here?
Naima. Going to get something to eat, but get this. I just got you something and was planning to give it to you when we meet this Saturday, but here you are, so here you are.
Laetan. Cigarettes? You got me a box of cigarettes?
Naima. I know. I’ve always been telling you how much I don’t want you to smoke and how quitting only shows how weak we all really are, but I got these from an old woman in an alley. She was just there, sitting on some cardboard with boxes of cigarettes neatly piled into a pyramid. Call me a sucker for that instantaneous buy, but I thought of you and what the heck, right? You wouldn’t believe how much I paid for this box.
Laetan. How much did you pay for this?
Naima. I thought you were going to ask me that, but should you really? I mean, it is a gift, but before you say anything, I do understand that these are just only cigarettes and not exactly what one would give a friend as a gift, well that is if you were buying them on an international airport at the duty free shop, but this is still a spontaneous gift, and I really feel those are the best kinds, and I also understand that cigarettes are expensive with all the taxes and everything, and I have a feeling that tax had nothing to do with the cigarettes I got you, so should I tell you how much I got the box for, and even further, should I tell you where I got them from?
Laetan. Well, I would say yes, please.
Naima. I’m going to say no, though. And it’s not because I’m trying to stop you from smoking. I mean, look, I just got you a box of cigarettes, but it’s because that box of cigarettes is special. It’s a gift from me. Every time you open a new carton of cigarettes, every time you light a cigarette up, you’ll think of me and how we bumped into each other earlier than we planned, and hopefully you’ll think of that Saturday; whatever’s going to happen then. If I told you where I got that box, you’ll get more for sure. Each box that you buy will only make my box less special.
Laetan. Okay, then. Thank you. I’ll see you on Saturday.
Naima. See ya.
End. A Gift of Cigarettes

Nabil. You’re getting married soon.
Svetlana. I hate it.
Nabil. What do you mean?
Svetlana. All the things we’re doing to get this marriage going are changing me for the worse. I’ve become hysterical. I’ve never cried and yelled so much in my life. I sometimes step back and listen to myself scream. I’m in absolute disbelief. Where did this come from?
Nabil. You’re going through a lot of pressure from a lot of people.
Svetlana. But it’s for a marriage. This is not like people are dying from a rare disease and it’s up to me to save them. This is just two people agreeing to share their lives together. What happened to the celebration in that? When did it become the worst times of our lives?
Nabil. Well it’s probably because everyone wants so much for your marriage to go perfectly, but everyone has a different ideal of what the perfect wedding should be.
Svetlana. Invitations, though? Who cares about the perfect invitation? I was ripping my hair out over what the invitations looked like with my mother in law. Scissors kept snipping in my mind. And look at this.
Nabil. What is that?
Svetlana. It’s a rash. I just hope it doesn’t spread to my face when the wedding finally does come.
Nabil. It’s killing you isn’t it?
Svetlana. No, it’s just twisting me into forty differently sized knots. I count them when I finally go to bed.
Nabil. You should never get married again.
Svetlana. I wonder if this is preparing me for babies.
End. Allergic to Marriage

Paradorn. Rossetta, I am a violent person.
Rossetta. I don’t know. You don’t seem it.
Paradorn. You’ve never seen me throw a chair through a glass window.
Rossetta. No, I haven’t, but I can’t imagine you doing something like that.
Paradorn. Some people have personalities that bring out the absolute worst in me. I’m learning to recognize these people, but it’s hard for me to control my emotions, so I just try to avoid them if at all possible.
Rossetta. Who are these people?
Paradorn. I guess it depends. People who are confrontational set me off. Also people who have pretenses about me or people with selfish natures who have no empathy for others. I can't help, but let these people into my head, then I want to release all that junk in a violent manner like smashing a window or tossing a lamp into a wall.
Rossetta. Do you hurt these people?
Paradorn. No, I’m actually in control when it comes to the violent part. I make sure that I don’t hurt anyone. I just need to release this energy that’s inside me. After that, I feel much better, even calm.
Rossetta. There’s always punching a pillow.
Paradorn. Yes, but it doesn’t make the same sort of violent sound a dumbbell makes when it goes through a fish tank.
End. A Calming Violence

Arvind. Have you seen Ivo lately?
Montinee. Yeah, he got a hair weave.
Arvind. Yeah, I know, but it took me some time to figure out that he had one. I kept telling him that he looked different for some reason, but I couldn’t figure it out. It’s cliché really. Straight from a commercial.
Montinee. I guess there is some truth in advertisements.
Arvind. Yeah, so I finally figured it out, but how do I say, “Hey, you got more hair?” It doesn’t seem like I should know exactly how Ivo looked different, just that he did look different. So I acted as if I couldn’t figure it out.
Montinee. I guess in those hair commercials, you only see people being fooled by how natural the hair is.
Arvind. But in this case, it’s not natural. One day, Ivo doesn’t have all that much hair, and the next day he does.
Montinee. Isn’t it possible for people gradually have hair weaved in so that it’ll look as if natural hair were growing?
Arvind. Yeah, but I must have missed the simulated growing stage. I haven’t seen him in a while.
Montinee. Why are you so concerned about this? You’ll get used to the fact that Ivo has hair now. It’s actually a good thing, isn’t it?
Arvind. Ever since that day I met Ivo, I’ve been noticing every follicle of hair that leaves my body.
End. Missing the Growing Stage

Konstantinos. Whiskey straight, please.
Halima. I’ll have a Manhattan.
Konstantinos. I almost had a Manhattan once.
Halima. Another one of your drinking stories?
Konstantinos. What’s the point in drinking if you don’t have stories to tell? I didn’t realize you didn’t like my stories.
Halima. I do like them. I guess I don’t have any real drinking stories myself. Even my first drink story is boring.
Konstantinos. I’d like to hear about your first drink.
Halima. I had a screwdriver at a party in one of the dorm rooms down the hall when I was a freshman in college. It was one of those parties where people are more excited by the fact that they are having a party than the actual party itself. I drank a quarter of my drink and threw the rest out in the bathroom sink. It was disgusting. The End. Why don’t you tell me your story about the Manhattan?
Konstantinos. Okay. I was at the Taj in AC during New Year’s.
Halima. A casino for New Year’s? What a way to start the year.
Konstantinos. It’s probably the only time they actually tell you what time it is. Everyone stopped gambling and counted from ten. Once New Year’s came, everyone cheered then quickly resumed to their tables.
Halima. It’s almost like a reset of sorts.
Konstantinos. So, I decided to start the year with a Manhattan. New year, new drink, new beginning. I asked one of the waitresses going around to get me one while I was at a poker table.
Halima. How did you do?
Konstantinos. I was under around two grand. I really didn’t know when to stop, until the Manhattan finally came. I didn’t drink it though. I think the combination of losing the two grand and the fact that the Manhattan came in a plastic cup made me nauseous – the olive rolling around. I left the Manhattan on the table and cashed what money I had left.
Halima. Was this the year you were thrown in jail?
Konstantinos. It was just a bad year all around.
Halima. Do you want to try my Manhattan now?
Konstantinos. I don’t know. I’ve surrendered to the fact that I will never have a Manhattan.
Halima. Please? It’ll give me a story - my first story for your first Manhattan.
Konstantinos. You have a deal, my little lady.
End. Leaving the Manhattan

Jalila. Sargis?
Sargis. Uh huh?
Jalila. I went through your glove compartment when you were in the store.
Sargis. Oh?
Jalila. Why do you keep two pairs of driving goggles in your glove compartment?
Sargis. Isn’t it somewhat obvious?
Jalila. But the only reason to wear them would be when for some reason the windshield goes missing. Is that why?
Sargis. What if I said yes?
Jalila. But you don’t have a first aid kit.
Sargis. I have a jack and spare tire, though.
Jalila. So the only emergencies you are prepared for are a flat tire and a windshield gone missing.
Sargis. I guess so.
Jalila. You’re hoping your windshield goes missing, aren’t you?
Sargis. There’s a pair for you if it happens today.
End. Windshield Gone Missing

Gala. Do you smell that?
Agustin. What is it?
Gala. It smells familiar, like it’s going to rain soon. It’s like we’re at an amusement park, and it’s going to rain soon. We have to hurry and get in one more ride.
Agustin. It smells like that?
Gala. I never liked rollercoasters. It disrupts the clarity in my head. It just puts me in a different state of mind.
Agustin. I really enjoy that state of mind.
Gala. I mean, sure. I’m nice and dizzy, but it’s like I’m in the moment rather than being able to observe myself. In that moment, I’m not really aware of myself. I’m just aware of what I’m feeling. Does this make sense?
Agustin. No, not really.
Gala. By riding rollercoasters, my body experiences the dizziness of riding a rollercoaster. There is nothing to think about, nothing to contemplate. I just feel dizzy. That’s it. It’s actually kind of boring. Then there’s movies. I can think during a movie. I can think what the other characters think, even sometimes what the director thinks. Do you see the difference?
Agustin. So basically on a rollercoaster, you do not think. You just feel.
Gala. Sometimes I wonder if I would be a good mother.
End. Feeling Dizzy

Neffa. Your watch stopped working.
Aniko. Yeah, I know. I’m wearing it to remind myself to change the batteries, but it’s confusing at times. I have to remind myself that my watch is wrong.
Neffa. How do you tell the time, then?
Aniko. I just ask someone or look around for a clock.
Neffa. I don’t know if I could do that. I don’t think I could ask someone the time. One time, some guy was looking at my watch, but he did it in an obvious manner. He bent down and tilted his head to look at the time. I don’t know why he didn’t just ask.
Aniko. Maybe he was like you and didn’t want to ask.
Neffa. I wonder what will happen when my watch battery dies. I think I would become all dramatic and act as if it was the end of the world.
Aniko. Give me a call. I’ll save your world for you.
End. Time Not Known

Renaat. I found this beetle in my teapot today.
Emile. Was it a Japanese beetle?
Renaat. No, this one was brown with white spots.
Emile. What did you do with it?
Renaat. Well I washed it down the drain, but before that, that beetle stopped me. Where did it come from? How did it get into my kitchen let alone my teapot?
Emile. Maybe it liked the residue of the tea in the pot.
Renaat. But I don’t use it for tea. I use it to water my plants, so there wasn’t really anything in the pot for the beetle to enjoy. It didn’t make any sense to me. How did this beetle get into my apartment? I have to wonder if more will come. I don’t think I’m quite ready for a beetle infestation.
Emile. Do you really think you’ll have an infestation?
Renaat. Maybe not. I don’t know. I just didn’t like the feeling I had when I found a brown beetle with white spots in my empty teapot before I watered my plants.
End. Beetle Unsettled

Koen. Roel.
Roel. Get away from here.
Koen. What are you doing?
Roel. I’m getting out of here. I never want to come back here again.
Koen. Where are you going?
Roel. Where ever this train takes me. It doesn’t matter.
Koen. What about Mommy and Daddy?
Roel. They still have you. They’ll be fine.
Koen. But, why are you going?
Roel. Stop asking me so many questions.
Koen. I’m going to tell Mommy and Daddy.
Roel. If I see you again, I’m going to stab you.
Koen. You brought your knife with you?
Roel. Of course. For protection.
Koen. I want to go with you.
Roel. You can’t go with me.
Koen. Why not?
Roel. Because you have to stay home with Mommy and Daddy.
Koen. Why?
Roel. They’re going to die if both of us leave. If only one of us leaves, then it’s not so hard for them.
Koen. Mommy’s going to cry.
Roel. Yeah, but then she’ll try harder with you.
Koen. You’re not coming back?
Roel. I don’t think so. Go back home, Koen. Don’t tell them or the police you saw me.
Koen. The police?
Roel. Mommy and Daddy are going to call to police to find me.
Koen. They’re going to find you, Roel.
Roel. No they’re not. It’s a big country. I could be anywhere. I don’t even know where I’ll be.
Koen. Why are you leaving?
Roel. Good bye, Koen.
End. Track Flow

Mouna. Do you believe in the devil?
Girolamo. I don’t know. I really never thought about it.
Mouna. So, no. Right?
Girolamo. No for now. I might change my mind later.
Mouna. Okay, then think about what you’re thinking and how it differs from when you’re happy. Right now, you're convincing yourself to just give up on everything. Maybe you’re even starting to hate yourself and regret the life you led, I don’t know, but what you’re thinking is very different from your thoughts when everything is fine.
Girolamo. Well, of course. When you’re happy, you’re happy. When you’re sad, you’re sad.
Mouna. Yes, but when you’re sad you want to self-destruct, and not only do you find reasons to self-destruct, but you find ways to self-destruct. Don’t you want to just destroy everything you’ve built up in your life?
Girolamo. Yes, but some of these things, I do need to destroy.
Mouna. But you don’t need to destroy everything. There is something inside of you trying to convince you to self-destruct. It’s like a second personality. You know how Schizophrenics develop multiple personalities? Well, I really think that we all have these multiple personalities. They convince us that we’re pretty, ugly, smart, stupid.
Girolamo. So I have another personality that’s trying to convince me that I should die?
Mouna. You have to realize that that’s not your real personality.
Girolamo. Where do these other personalities come from?
Mouna. I don’t know, but with Schizophrenics, they actually manifest their personalities. Since we don’t, I think we don’t realize that we have separated personalities. If we saw and heard one of our personalities, we would almost immediately realize that it was not real.
Girolamo. So which personality is the real one? Which should I listen to?
Mouna. Your real personality is the listening one, the one that makes decisions. You just need to make the right decision.
Girolamo. Well, I guess I have some thinking to do.
End. First Second

Larber. It’s because you’re heavy.
Touria. Do you want to die?
End. Why Touria Lost Her Balance in the Bus

Stanislas. You know, I’ve already publicly showered with another friend’s boyfriend a couple of years ago. It was definitely a discomfiting situation. I really don’t intend to do it twice. I hope you understand.
Farid. Not a problem.
Stanislas. Thanks.
End. Showering Once is Enough

Mariano. My order is great. It’s strange, but I really think this is the best bread I’ve ever had.
Maret. I know, but I feel bad for this restaurant. Look at this. This bread is amazing, the fowl is wonderful, even the dressing has a zing to it.
Mariano. I don’t get it. Why does it make you sad?
Maret. Cause you know that this restaurant’s not going to last very long. Every time we come here, it’s always empty. You just know it’s going to close soon.
Mariano. I guess so. It’s a shame. Restaurants can die, but the cooks don’t. Well, unless they do, but you know. If the restaurant closes, whoever makes this bread will simply go to another restaurant. We just need to know where that’ll be.
Maret. Hold on. Waiter?
Waiter. Did you want anything else?
Maret. Yes, can you tell me the name of the person who makes this bread?
Waiter. His name is Ugo.
End. Ugo Bakes the Bread

Tuomas. How long is this tunnel?
Noam. I don’t know. I’ve never been here.
Tuomas. I don’t think there’s an end to it. We’ve been walking for three hours now.
Noam. What do you want to do, go back? I’m not going back there again.
Tuomas. Let’s just sit down a rest for a while. I’m tired, Noam.
Noam. There has to be an end to this tunnel. Why would anyone make a tunnel without an end?
Tuomas. If there is an end to it, where is it? There’s no light, no drafts of wind, I really believe were going to die in this tunnel.
Noam. We can’t go back. They should know we’re gone by now. They’re going to look for us.
Tuomas. What if they find the tunnel? If we hear them, there’ll be nowhere to hide. They’ll just take us back.
Noam. We just have to get to the end of the tunnel before they find us.
Tuomas. I wish they would find us then decide to kill us right here for making them go deep into the tunnel. I’m too tired to go back. I think I would ask them to kill me if they found me.
Noam. I’m not going to ask them anything, but they’re going to have to kill me because I’m not going to go back either.
Tuomas. I can hear their footstep already.
Noam. I don’t hear anything.
Tuomas. They’re coming. I know they are. I’m going to sleep.
Noam. What about the end? We have to keep going.
Tuomas. I’m going to sleep. Nothing’s going to wake me up.
Noam. I’m going to go ahead. If there’s any sign that we’re close, I’ll come back and get you. Tuomas? Tuomas?
End. Tuomas Sleeps

Severine. I liked that movie. Didn’t you?
Harel. The popcorn was really nice.
Severine. What about the movie? I know you have something to say about it.
Harel. I’d rather not.
Severine. Why not?
Harel. I don’t know. Aren’t you tired of my analysis of movies? Don’t you want to watch a movie and enjoy it for what it is?
Severine. Yes, but I’m also curious to what you think about the movie too. Didn’t you think the dialogue was pretty bad?
Harel. I’m serious. I don’t want to talk about the movie. I’m done forcing my opinions of movies on my friends. I’ll only do it to people I dislike.
Severine. You’re being ridiculous. I really want to know what you thought about the characters. Like what was the point of Sjeng being there? I think you could have taken him out of the entire movie, and nothing would have changed.
Harel. I know what you’re trying to do. You’re trying to get a response out of me.
Severine. Come on. Anything. What’s the point if we can’t discuss it? Is this how you’re going to treat everything now? Take everything in and refuse to process it? It’s like you’re going to be one big drain. Slurp, slurp.
Harel. Only with movies. I can talk about the lunch we had.
Severine. What did you think of our lunch?
Harel. It was better than the movie.
End. Slurping Movies

Cactus. Hey.
Seda. Yes?
Cactus. Come over here.
Seda. Okay?
Cactus. Will you smell me, and tell me what you think?
Seda. I’m sorry, I have to go.
Cactus. Wait.
Seda. Maybe next time. Good bye.
Cactus. Why won’t you smell me?
End. Unaware of Prickling

Yulia. There was this strange guy at the subway station today.
Renzo. Why, what happened?
Yulia. It was a guy with this black warm-up suit on. He looked normal enough, but then I noticed that he was looking into the faces of everyone waiting for the train. It was as if he was looking for someone in particular, bending of standing on his toes to get a better angle.
Renzo. Could you tell if he was looking for a girl or a guy?
Yulia. I think guy cause he didn’t look at me. So then, the train arrives. He goes in, and I follow him.
Renzo. You really need to stop following people. It’s an obsession for you. You see someone who seems like a curiosity, and you instantly follow him around.
Yulia. I wouldn’t call it an obsession. It’s a fascination. Who was this guy looking for? He continued to look at people’s faces standing up and sitting down in the train. He went up and down the train sometimes pushing people to the side to get a better look.
Renzo. Did he ever find the person he was looking for?
Yulia. No, he got off the next station.
Renzo. Did you follow him?
Yulia. I wanted to, but I was a little afraid of him.
Renzo. Why?
Yulia. Cause, I was afraid of what he was going to do once he found his person.
End. Standing Up Sitting Down

Leander. Do you remember when Frantisek took off your bumper with his car?
Younes. When was that? Back in high school?
Leander. Yeah, I was in the car with him when it happened.
Younes. He just tore off my bumper. It pissed me off. That was my first car.
Leander. It was a piece of junk.
Younes. That piece of junk got me around.
Leander. I remember getting rid of my first car. I gave it to a friend of the family’s. Sometimes we would visit for Christmas dinner, and I would see my car in their driveway. They didn’t take good care of it, though. They asked me if I wanted to drive it around one time, but I couldn’t. It didn’t seem like my car anymore.
Younes. I know what you mean. When Frantisek ripped off my bumper, it took me some time to feel like I was driving my car again.
Leander. Something in Frantisek snapped. He could have stopped right after he hit you, but it was as if he gave up on everything and stepped on the gas.
Younes. I haven’t heard from Frantisek in a while. I wonder what he’s up to.
End. Replacement Bumper

Marta. See that girl with the cast on her arm?
Nenad. Where?
Marta. She’s sitting by the window – shoulder length black hair.
Nenad. What about her?
Marta. Look how she’s wearing that cast. She’s waving it around as if she never broke it.
Nenad. Are we supposed to be concerned?
Marta. I’ve never broken my arm, but if I did, I think I would be careful about taking care of it.
Nenad. Maybe breaking her arm is a normal occurrence for her, so she’s used to having a cast on her arm.
Marta. I don’t think so. How do you think she broke her arm?
Nenad. Rock climbing. She fell and used her left arm to break her fall.
Marta. I’m going to say she jumped out of a ground floor window and landed wrong.
Nenad. Marta.
Marta. What?
Nenad. You’re staring.
End. Cast

Lado. Here’s your tea.
Rossana. Thank you. This is a really nice cup.
Lado. I got it the other day. What do you think of the tea?
Rossana. I think the cup is nicer.
End. Nicer Than Tea

Horia. The weather’s getting warmer.
Amandine. It’s time for wet watermelon rinds to be found in the dirt.
Horia. And for brushing your teeth outside then spitting onto the ground at night.
Amandine. Swimming in the heavy heat.
Horia. Leaving the theater in the afternoon.
Amandine. Shucking corn into plastic bags.
Horia. Cool, dark kitchen floors.
Amandine. Let’s get out of here.
Horia. Okay.
End. A Warm List

Maqui. I’ve been thinking about death lately.
Hicham. What about it?
Maqui. I guess I have a preference of dying. You know, the way I want to die.
Hicham. I don’t think I really care how I die. Well maybe, I don’t want to be tortured to death. I don't do well when someone else is controling my life.
Maqui. Yes, exactly. I don’t want a slow death. I want my death to be instantaneous and surprising. I really want to be shocked, and when it happens I’ll be thinking, this is how I’m going to die. If all goes well, I'll be able to enjoy it. I just hope that I don’t end up in a bed surrounded by friends and family waiting for me to die. A car accident would be better.
Hicham. I wonder if I’ll be in some sort of accident, too.
Maqui. You never know, and I guess that's the interesting part.
Hicham. I don’t know. I’m afraid I’ll have a slow and painful death. I'm not looking forward to that.
Maqui. Just know it’ll be over soon.
End. Instantaneous and Surprising

Nikolay. Ah, damn it.
Ludmila. What happened?
Nikolay. I dropped my telephoto lens over the boat.
Ludmila. Where?
Nikolay. It’s down there somewhere.
Ludmila. Can you see it?
Nikolay. No. It’s got to be in the coral. I can feel the coral cutting into the surface of the lens. It's best left alone.
Ludmila. It’s not very deep, is it?
Nikolay. No, not really.
Ludmila. I’m going down there to get it.
Nikolay. It’s kind of dark though. I don’t know if you will be able to find it. We’ve got to get back to shore soon.
Ludmila. But what about your lens?
Nikolay. I still have my wide angle. I’ll be alright.
Ludmila. Are you sure? I really want to see if I can find it.
Nikolay. Ah, I’ll give you five minutes.
Ludmila. Make it ten.
Nikolay. But if you don’t get to the boat in ten minutes, I’m leaving without you.
Ludmila. That’s actually what I want.
Nikolay. I know.
End. Leaving the Sea

Denni. Hello?
Marlous. Hi, Denni? It’s Marlous. Did I wake you?
Denni. What? What time is it? It’s still dark.
Marlous. It’s five forty-three.
Denni. When does it get light?
Marlous. I don’t know. In about an hour?
Denni. That was the first time I’ve ever been ripped out of a dream before.
Marlous. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know who else to call.
Denni. I was dreaming that it was the end of the world, and everyone was taking taxis to go to heaven. I remember being in a suburb of houses, and the clouds were heavy and grey. I think it was a humid. It felt like it was just about to thunder then a warm rain would come. There was no explosions or panic around me. People just knew it was the end of the world and promptly got into their taxis. I think I must have been the last one to realize it was the end of the world. So, everyone was finding a taxi and going off to heaven. Even their dogs wearing pink ribbons on their heads. I’m all panicked, but there's nothing that I can do. I guess I could have forced my way onto a taxi, but I guess that wouldn't look so good. You know. Me fighting my way to get into heaven. So, I’m trying to find my own taxi, but that’s when you called. I really felt like this hand took a grip of my hair and ripped me right out of the dream.
Marlous. I’m so sorry. You know I didn’t mean to keep you from heaven. I'm sure you would have found a taxi.
Denni. Yeah, maybe. Oh so, did you need something?
Marlous. I can’t get into the building. I forgot my keys.
Denni. Oh, okay. I’ll be down. Are you downstairs?
Marlous. I’m at the gas station. I’ll be there in like five minutes.
Denni. Good, that’ll give me some time to calm down.
End. Ripped from Heaven

Elek. What are you thinking about?
Seleia. I was thinking about swimming to that sandbar.
Elek. You should.
Seleia. How far do you think it is?
Elek. I don’t know. Fifty yards?
Seleia. Yeah, you’re probably right.
Elek. Do you think you can make it?
Seleia. I’m pretty sure I can, but look at the water.
Elek. What about it?
Seleia. It’s dark. It makes me feel uneasy. I keep on thinking of things unseen between here and the sandbar. I’m actually afraid to go out there. Can you believe it?
Elek. It makes sense, but I don’t think anything’s out there in the water. At least anything consequential.
Seleia. I keep imagining myself swimming through clear, deep blue water. I look down, but then I’m afraid of what I can’t see beyond the deep blue. I feel there will be something that will appear from under me, and I am absolutely helpless to do anything. I know the water’s grey here, but I’m feeling the same sort of fear inside me. It’s keeping from my going out there, to the sandbar.
Elek. I’ll swim with you, if you like.
Seleia. I thought about asking you, but the fear is still strong. I wouldn’t want to go even if you swam with me.
Elek. Why don’t I just go out there, and you can watch?
Seleia. Elek?
Elek. Yeah?
Seleia. I feel like I’m crumbling.
End. Crumbling into the Ocean

Levente. Hello, my friend.
Sander. Hello.
Levente. Is there something you like?
Sander. How much is this one?
Levente. For you, my friend. Thirty dollars.
Sander. That’s a little too much, I think.
Levente. Then how much do you want it for? You are a nice person. Give me a price. Any price.
Sander. I would be happy to buy this watch for fifteen.
Levente. Fifteen? Fifteen? No, no. I need to feed my family. Fifteen is too low.
Sander. What do you think, then? What price will make us both happy?
Levente. For you, my friend. I will cut ten off and give it to you for twenty.
Sander. Give it to me for eighteen, and I’ll be happy.
Levente. I will give it to you for nineteen.
Sander. Eighteen would be nice.
Levente. It’s just one more dollar. You can afford one dollar. I’m very poor. One dollar means more to me than it does to you.
Sander. Since you ask for nineteen, and I ask for eighteen, let’s meet in the middle. Eighteen fifty.
Levente. Half a dollar. Nineteen.
Sander. We will both be happy with eighteen fifty. I get a watch, you get eighteen fifty.
Levente. Nineteen is not much more.
Sander. You are my friend. Let’s be friends. Eighteen fifty is where we both can meet, don’t you think?
Levente. Okay, okay. Eighteen fifty.
Sander. Thank you, my friend.
End. Meeting at Fifty

Reka. How well do you know Beatta?
Tasuro. Beatta? I don’t know. I know her, she knows me. We haven’t really gotten into any real conversations. Why?
Reka. I saw her yesterday, and we were talking about you.
Tasuro. Yeah?
Reka. But she was talking about you as if you two were really old friends. I was a little confused.
Tasuro. What was she saying?
Reka. Just what a really sincere guy you were.
Tasuro. Maybe she just a good judge of character.
Reka. It made me sick really, the way she talked about you. She has this utmost admiration for you, but she shouldn’t.
Tasuro. I don’t know if I should be offended by that.
Reka. You don’t deserve her admiration. You never really talked to her. How can she know what kind of person you are?
Tasuro. Oh, we did talk about one thing.
Reka. What was it about?
Tasuro. We actually had a light argument about “American Beauty”
Reka. Oh really?
Tasuro. She was saying that “American Beauty” was a perfect example of American suburban life, while I was saying that the example was too perfect where it was not real, but then she said that that was the point, that it was a spoof on American suburban life. I acknowledged the spoof then countered that the spoof itself tried too hard to incorporate everything that’s wrong with suburban life, that it was too general, thus making Kevin Spacey’s character watered down and impersonal, and at least to me, unlikable, which was unfortunate because I really like Kevin Spacey as an actor.
Reka. I do too. He was amazing in “L.A. Confidential.” He should have won Best Supporting Actor that year.
Tasuro. Who won?
Reka. Robin Williams for “Good Will Hunting.”
Tasuro. Which is why I don’t watch the Oscars.
Reka. So that’s the only conversation you had?
Tasuro. What conversation?
Reka. With Beatta.
Tasuro. Oh yeah.
End. Argument So Light

Uncle Gellert. Hey there, Antal.
Antal. Hi, Uncle Gellert.
Uncle Gellert. Your dad tells me that you’re about to mow the lawn.
Antal. Yeah. I have to do it every Saturday before I can play with my friends.
Uncle Gellert. When I was your age, I had to mow the lawn too. I was the only one who mowed the lawn though. Your father has allergies, so he used that as an excuse not to mow the lawn.
Antal. Yeah, Dad’s allergies are pretty bad.
Uncle Gellert. You’ve been to Granddad’s house, right?
Antal. Yeah.
Uncle Gellert. That was the lawn I had to mow when I was your age. The house next door and across the street from the house always had better lawns then we did. Those lawns were always greener, cut straighter, even the edges had a sharpness that my lawn never had. I experimented with different blades, fertilizers, even water schedules, but my lawn would never achieve the level of quality of my neighbors'. Then one day, I bumped into the neighbor across the street from us at a hardware store. He was buying a new blade for his lawn mower. I wanted to go up to him and ask him what his secret was, but I didn’t. You know why I didn’t ask, Antal?
Antal. Why?
End. It’s Just Grass

Bence. Look, did you see that?
Ferenc. What?
Bence. Out there. Did you see the flash of lightning?
Ferenc. Lightning? What is that?
Bence. You must know what lightning is.
Ferenc. You know. My English.
Bence. Okay. Lightning is light from the sky.
Ferenc. Lights in the sky? Airplane?
Bence. No. First, there is a flash of light, then there is thunder. Do you know what thunder is?
Ferenc. No.
Bence. Just wait. It’ll happen again. Look outside. The lightning is far so we can’t hear the thunder.
Ferenc. I’m tired. I sleep now.
Bence. You don’t want to see the lightning?
Ferenc. Maybe another time.
Bence. There it is again. Did you see it?
Ferenc. Lights in the sky? No.
Bence. What about fire in the sky? A line of fire in the sky. Boom.
Ferenc. Fire?
Bence. Never mind. Go to sleep. We’re almost there.
End. Not Knowing Lightning

Yuriko. Let’s see what disgusting things you have in your refrigerator.
Hatsunori. Don’t be misled. They’re all experiments. I’m going to make the perfect cheese.
Yuriko. Hey, one of your onions is growing a stalk. Look at this.
Hatsunori. Ooh, I was going to use that today.
Yuriko. You can you still use it, can’t you?
Hatsunori. I don’t know. Can I?
Yuriko. It’s still an onion, but it’s an onion plant too.
Hatsunori. It feels immoral to use it now, you know? It’s alive. By accident, I’ve created a new life for this onion. I don’t feel I have the right to take it away.
Yuriko. Morals for an onion. Well, I think you should plant it.
Hatsunori. But where?
Yuriko. What about the park?
Hatsunori. Gee, Yuriko. You’re full of ideas, aren’t you?
*Yuriko punches Hatsunori in the arm*
Hatsunori. Ow.
Yuriko. Do you have a trowel?
Hatsunori. No, but I could get one at the hardware store.
Yuriko. You know? I should have planted onions all over my university campus.
Hatsunori. I probably would have helped you.
Yuriko. I would have taken onions from the dining halls and planted them everywhere. I should have done something stupid like that.
Hatsunori. I guess it’s too late now.
Yuriko. Well, let’s go to the hardware store. We’ll plant this one in the park and that’ll be that.
End. The Influence of an Onion

Marten. I stopped my car and told Reka to get out the other day.
Timea. Like Fred Flintstone does to Barney Rubble?
Marten. I made sure I did not yell, and I dropped her off at a subway station so she could go home or wherever she wanted.
Timea. What happened?
Marten. The topic of God came up. I can’t even remember how we started talking about God, but all of the sudden she started to make derogatory remarks about God and how stupid He is. Then, something exploded inside of me. I could not rip my steering wheel out of its column. That’s when I stopped the car and told her to get out.
Timea. What did she do?
Marten. She had this confused sadness in her eyes, but she got out. I was quite firm with her. I really don’t know what came over me. You know me. I believe in God, but I don’t really care which way or the other.
Timea. So why did you tell her to leave?
Marten. Because I was afraid if she remained in the car, I would have swerved into oncoming traffic.
End. Exit Right

Karad. Could you stop doing that please?
Ilona. Stop what?
Karad. Stop pretending to yawn. You’re making me yawn.
Ilona. But it’s the only way I can control you.
Karad. The only way you can control me is to make me yawn?
Ilona. I’ve been trying for months now, but I get nothing out of you. Every command I give you simply brushes by, but I’ve found your weakness. My ability to control your yawning is the key.
Karad. I’ve been saving this for a special occasion. *takes out a card from his pocket and reads* Ilona, we’re just very different people. We’re going in different directions in our lives. I don’t think we should see each other anymore, but we can still be friends.
Ilona. It’s too late. See? *yawns*
Karad. *yawns* What are you doing?
Ilona. The reason why you yawn is because you’re empathetic.
Karad. What does that mean?
Ilona. Unconsciously, you believe that I’m tired so your reaction is to be tired as well, but it doesn’t stop there. *takes out a knife*
Karad. What does stabbing me have to do with yawning?
Ilona. I’m not going to stab you. *takes the knife to her hand and draws blood*
Karad. *Karad winces in pain* What are you doing?
Ilona. Did you notice your reaction? You winced. You unconsciously felt my pain. Do you understand now?
Karad. So is that why my stomach tenses up when I see objects in free fall?
Ilona. Yes. You see something falling and your body reacts as if your body if falling. *starts to cry*
Karad. No, you’re not sad.
Ilona. You can’t fight it. You feel sad don’t you?
Karad. Will you at least give me a hug?
End. Sense of Yawn

Ovidiu. That was odd. Why did he start speaking French to me? Didn’t you hear me say that I wasn’t French?
Magda. But he just asked you if you could speak French.
Ovidiu. And I did. I mean, who doesn’t know that in French?
Magda. But I think when you answered in French that you couldn’t, it threw him off.
Ovidiu. He really wanted me to be French, didn’t he?
Magda. What do you mean?
Ovidiu. My pronouncing our order in French triggered something in him, so he had to ask me if I was French. When I said I wasn’t, he just continued to speak.
Magda. I think it was something about his father.
Ovidiu. I got that too, but he just kept on talking.
Magda. Maybe he needed to talk to someone. To tell someone in his own language about his problems.
Ovidiu. Is that all we need? All we have to do is talk about our problems? Doesn’t it matter if the recipient understands or cares?
Magda. But you pretended you understood.
Ovidiu. Yeah, but he forced me. It would have been rude to ignore him. He trusted me with what he told me, so I had to oblige him.
Ovidiu. He must be very lonely to have told you whatever he told you.
Magda. Yeah, I feel bad for him.
Ovidiu. We should do something.
Magda. I wouldn’t know what to do.
Ovidiu. Here he comes with the wine.
End. Waiter from France