Marek. See that? What is that guy doing?
Hedda. I have no idea.
Marek. Look at the way he’s spinning. Is he dancing?
Hedda. I don’t know. There’s no music and there doesn’t seem to be any rhythm to his movements.
Marek. He’s like the dancing equivalent of pi.
Hedda. I’ve always hated math.
Marek. I think he’s looking at you.
Hedda. Hey, pi guy. I hate math. You got that?
Marek. You're making her relive her days in school. She doesn’t need that.
Hedda. Hey, do you know who Janus bumped into the other day?
Marek. Who?
Hedda. Mr. Oldham.
Marek. Mr. Oldham ... I haven’t heard that name in years. Mr. Oldham ... That was middle school wasn’t it? I thought he’d be dead by now.
Hedda. Nah, he’s still alive, but did you hear about him?
Marek. No, what?
Hedda. Janus bumped into him at Five’s Buffet. Mr. Oldham recognized him. Can you believe that?
Marek. I wonder if he would remember me.
Hedda. I don’t know. Anyways, Mr. Oldham talked about his stabbing for about forty-five minutes.
Marek. What? He was stabbed?
Hedda. Yeah a group of people broke into his house in the middle of the night and stabbed him and his wife.
Marek. Who would stab old people like that?
Hedda. They found out that they did it to get money for diapers.
Marek. You’ve got to be kidding me.
Hedda. So, then Mr. Oldham explains that when he and his wife went to the emergency room, the doctors found a clot in his neck, and would have never found it if he didn’t go to the hospital.
Marek. If he wasn’t stabbed he would have died of a stroke.
Hedda. No, a stroke is when you have a clot in the brain. I think it would have been an embolism.
Marek. Gee. So it was a good thing that he got stabbed?
Hedda. Yeah, weird, isn’t it? Mr. Oldham told Janus it was God’s way of giving him another chance.
Marek. It’s something to think about, but I can’t with pi guy wailing his limbs back and forth.
Hedda. Doesn’t he seem closer than he was a moment ago?
Marek. Yeah, he does.
Hedda. What is he doing?
*pi guy lunges for two’s purse and runs away with it*
Marek. I’ll get him.
*Marek chases after pi guy and returns with the purse*
Hedda. Thank you so much. I can’t believe that guy. Did you have any trouble.
Marek. No not really. He was slow. You’d think he’d be fast, the way he moved.
Hedda. How did you get the purse back?
Marek. I tackled him, then he dropped the purse and ran.
Hedda. Geeze, thanks. You could have been hurt.
Marek. Yeah, he could have flung his arm at my eye or something.
Hedda. Let me buy you a drink. What do you want?
Marek. Lemonade would be nice.
Hedda. I wonder why he tried to take my purse.
Marek. Maybe he wanted to buy diapers for his kid.
Hedda. Pi guy has a kid?
End. Stabbing and Wailing Limbs