One.
Cordilia. Excuse me, sir?
Alber. Yes?
Cordilia. I gave you a twenty, but you gave me change for a ten.
Alber. You gave me a ten.
Cordilia. No, I gave you a twenty.
Alber. I’m pretty sure you gave me a ten.
Cordilia. All I had were twenties. I gave you a twenty, sir. *Cordilia turns to Gedeon behind her* You saw me give him a twenty, didn’t you?
Gedeon. Yeah, it was a twenty.
Cordilia. I’m not lying to you, sir.
Alber. I can’t believe this. Here. Here’s your change. You gave me a ten, though. I know you did. I don’t make that kind of mistake.
Cordilia. Thank you, sir.

Two.
Cordilia. Hey.
Gedeon. Oh, hi.
Cordilia. Mind if I sit down with you?
Gedeon. I don’t know. Are you going to going to try to pull money from me as well?
Cordilia. Gee, thanks.
Gedeon. Do I get a percentage?
Cordilia. Do you want a percentage?
Gedeon. Yes, I do. How about twenty percent?
Cordilia. I’ll give you these mints.
Gedeon. Deal.
Cordilia. Here you go. Nice doing business.
Gedeon. Would you like a mint?
End. Give and Take

Aafke. Are you married?
Mr. Diamantair Temessy. No, I’m not even close to being married.
Aafke. Do you have a girlfriend?
Mr. Diamantair Temessy. Not that I know of.
Aafke. That’s too bad. That’s too bad that you don’t have a girlfriend.
Mr. Diamantair Temessy. I’m touched that you have so much concern over my ... how would you call it? My marital status?
Aafke. What’s that?
Mr. Diamantair Temessy. If I’m married or not. So, my marital status would be single.
Aafke. Don’t you want to be married?
Mr. Diamantair Temessy. Right now, I think I want a daughter more than I want a girlfriend. Does this make sense?
Aafke. I think so. I don’t know.
Mr. Diamantair Temessy. So, until my want to date a girl becomes greater than my want to have a daughter, then I think I should seriously consider dating. It would be weird to date a girl for the purpose of having a daughter, so I think that’s my reason for not dating right now.
Aafke. You’re so weird. Would you want a daughter like me?
Mr. Diamantair Temessy. Don’t you have class to go to?
End. In Between Classes

Aleksandr. I’m going to build a brick oven in my backyard.
Oleg. Have you been going to the museum of history again?
Aleksandr. It amazes me that people from thousands of years ago baked their own bread in their own brick ovens.
Oleg. Why would you want to bake bread? Why do you have to make everything so difficult for yourself? Just go to the store.
Aleksandr. How did they get the temperature right? Was it the same temperature every time?
Oleg. So you’re going to build a brick oven in your backyard to bake bread?
Aleksandr. I was thinking of making my own pots out of clay too. I need an oven to heat the pots.
Oleg. Are you going to make your own clothes while you’re at it?
Aleksandr. How hard is it to grow cotton?
Oleg. You’re out of your mind.
Aleksandr. I won’t need to work anymore. I’ll live off of what I create with my own hands.
Oleg. You nut case. That is work.
End. Not Working

Three.
Massimo. The first Samurai agreed that the murder of children must be stopped. Both Samurai settled to fight in the forest away from the village so that their unconsciousness would not bring additional deaths to the village, though many villagers wanted to see the two Samurai battle in their unconscious states.

There was no talk between the two Samurai when they faced each other. The trees rustled in the wind when they charged each other. Within a few moments, all of the villagers witnessing the duel died by the undiscerning sword of the unconscious Samurai, as his final strike was through the neck of his Samurai adversary. As the Samurai’s head rolled to the side, the beheaded Samurai’s body continued to unconsciously attack and finally pierced his enemy’s lung, choking him in his own blood. Villagers later found the bodies of the dead villagers, a Samurai with his eyes wide open, and another decapitated Samurai whose head was found away from its body, with his eyes closed and smiling.
End. Closed and Smiling

One.
Massimo. Hey there, Lemmy.
Lemmy. Hello.
Massimo. Wanted to come up for a visit, you know.
Lemmy. Yes, I know.
Massimo. Whenever, I’m here. You’re always in your room.
Lemmy. It’s the only part of the house that’s mine.
Massimo. I see. You know, I read a story about a samurai that reminded me of you. Do you want to hear it?
Lemmy. Okay.
Massimo. Well, there was once a Samurai who excelled in his technique as a swordsman. Villagers said that he was beyond the point of conscious fighting. That ment that he relied solely on his instincts for the movement of his sword. He cleared his mind of everything and killed his enemies with incredible control and precision. Some villagers were afraid that when he would go into his unconscious state that he would kill anything that moved, even his own mother, but there was a time when he confronted an enemy who held a child as hostage thinking that the Samurai would not go into his unconscious state in fear of killing the child. The Samurai told his enemy that he was a coward to hold a child hostage, and that he would die holding a child who did not love him. He then immediately went into his unconscious state and killed his enemy just as he told him. The child fell softly onto the body of the fallen enemy. All the villagers realized then that the Samurai could express a moral discernment in his instinctive state. Villagers that led honest lives were not afraid of the Samurai, but those who cheated and stole for a living feared him.

Two.
Massimo. There was another Samurai who could also move his sword without consciousness, but he differed from the first Samurai. He killed people without discernment. Enemies of the Samurai would die, but so would innocent villagers. He believed that he did not carry the right to decide who would live or die, so his unconsciousness would start killing without warning. The Samurai claimed that he was just a vessel for his unconsciousness. That he was not responsible for any of the deaths. The villagers argued among themselves about the Samurai’s claims until the Samurai severed all the limbs of seven schoolchildren. The Samurai had to be stopped, so the villagers looked to the first Samurai.
End. Two States of Sword

Judit. What’s wrong? Did you have another bad dream?
Tamas. It was definitely vivid. I dreamt that I was in an airplane with a briefcase of plastic explosives, but I was not going to detonate it on the plane. I had another target to use it on, but I was so nervous they were going to find the explosives on me. Some security guard came by with a dog sniffing passengers’ hands. The dog was going to smell the plastic on me. It knew. It was just waiting until he got to sniff it on my hands, in my hair, on my clothes. In case I was caught, I was ready to explain to the security personnel that I was not going to use it on the plane; that I was going to use it on something else; that I’m not that kind of person. I would never blow up a plane, but then there was an explosion in the plane. I could feel the heat sear into me. I could feel debris from the blast pelt me, and then the airplane tore apart. The wind shear caught me and carried me outside the broken frame. But the explosion wasn’t from my briefcase. It was from somewhere behind me, but I didn’t find out who. I knew it was someone, but I was falling from the sky. I didn’t die from the explosion, but I wished I did because I did not want to wait till I slammed into the ground below. I closed my eyes and tried to at least go unconscious, but I could not. I was out of control. I was going to have to wait to die. That’s all I remember.
Judit. You don’t remember if you survived the fall?
Tamas. Of course I wouldn’t. I was falling out of a plane.
Judit. It was a dream, Tamas. A dream.
End. Falling From a Dream

One.
Tadeusz. Excuse me.
Artur. What can I help you with?
Tadeusz. These doughnuts. When do you make these doughnuts?
Artur. I don’t make them. Imre makes them.
Tadeusz. When does Imre make them?
Artur. Oh, I’d say around three.
Tadeusz. In the morning?
Artur. Yup. The dead shift. That when all the pastries come out.
Tadeusz. Well, thanks.

Two.
Tadeusz. Hetty? Hetty?
Hetty. What? What time is it?
Tadeusz. It’s half past two.
Hetty. I don’t believe you’re getting up to get doughnuts now.
Tadeusz. Their going to be fresh out of the oven. They’ll melt in your mouth.
Hetty. I don’t think I’m going to go.
Tadeusz. Are you sure?
Hetty. Yeah, you go ahead. I’ll be here. Sleeping. Oh, Tade?
Tadeusz. Yes?
Hetty. Can you get some milk? We’re out.
Tadeusz. Yeah, milk is a great idea.
End. Doughnut Run

Stanislaw. I thought about Evie today.
Marilou. Oh.
Stanislaw. I was in the subway and there was this woman in front of me. She had a black swaying dress with little red flowers printed on the material.
Marilou. Did she look like Evie?
Stanislaw. I didn’t notice what kind of shoes she was wearing until I witnessed her entire weight drop cold onto the stairs. Her heel was three steps behind her. Somebody else picked up the heel and gave it to her while she got up and walked unevenly in her shoes.
Marilou. How did she remind you of Evie?
Stanislaw. I was at Evie’s family gathering once. I was holding a glass of warm apple cider when one of her Aunts stepped on a banana peel left by one of the cousins. She slid about two feet and stumbled into a vase of dried flowers.
End. Lost in

Nuria. Did you ever find your perfect bowl?
Waldemar. I think I did, but I didn’t buy it.
Nuria. What do you mean?
Waldemar. I’m pretty sure it was the perfect bowl, but three girls distracted me, so I wasn’t exactly sure enough to purchase the bowl.
Nuria. Uh huh?
Waldemar. I went into the store, and at the counter were these three girls. They had to be sisters.
Nuria. Let me guess, they were gorgeous, and you felt nervous, so you went right back out of the door.
Waldemar. What happened was when I walked in I saw the girls at the counter; two were sitting down, and the other leaning on the counter; all brushing their teeth. I had to check the time, and it was three in the afternoon. I tried not to think about why they were brushing their teeth because I needed to be in the right mind set when choosing a bowl.
Nuria. Maybe they had a late lunch.
Waldemar. Maybe, but all three of them? It would make sense if maybe one or two of them were brushing their teeth, but all three were, and it wouldn’t make sense if there were other workers who rotated with them to go to lunch.
Nuria. Why not?
Waldemar. One, it was around three in the afternoon. The girls brushing their teeth would be the last ones to go to lunch, and even if there were other workers who left when this group of girls arrived from their theoretical lunch, it would not make sense to hire more than three workers to care for the store.
Nuria. You thought this through while looking for your perfect bowl?
Waldemar. On one of the shelves was what I thought was the perfect bowl. Good weight, even shape, natural lines, but the noise of the brushing got to my head. I could feel hundreds of bristles brushing the inside of my skull. Che-che-che-che. I didn’t feel right about buying the bowl, so I left the store to clear my head.
Nuria. Are you going to go back?
Waldemar. Probably, but not at three o’clock. Thinking about it, it was the perfect bowl after all, but it would have been strange if I went out and came back in again.
Nuria. That would have been strange?
End. Che-che-che-che

Jacek. The Super left his keys in one of the stairway doors.
Florin. Really? Do you have them?
Jacek. I struggled with the notion of taking the keys. If I had access to the entire apartment building, what would I do? Stealing would be too easy, but then I thought I should just go into an apartment and see what came to me.
Florin. You broke into an apartment?
Jacek. I knocked on the door first to make sure no one was in. Do they have a name for the occasional dizziness you have when you go into another person’s place? It was the same apartment as mine, but made different because of the arrangement of the furniture, and this particular couple’s love for things apple.
Florin. Apple?
Jacek. They had a bowl of apples, photos of apples, I checked to see what kind of soap they had, and it was an apple scent.
Florin. Was there apple cider in the refrigerator?
Jacek. Yes, there was, and I poured myself a drink. There’s an interesting offsetting balance when pouring cider from a plastic jug. I sat down at their kitchen table looking out their window. They have a nice view of the park. When I was done, I washed the glass and left.
Florin. You enjoyed it, didn’t you?
Jacek. I was expecting them to come in and catch me drinking their apple cider. I wonder what I would have done.
End. Strange Apples

Mr. Gustaw Toor. Wait. What do you have in your hand?
Marcin Toor. It’s a tape.
Mr. Gustaw Toor. Is that one of mine?
Marcin Toor. Yeah, but Dad. I checked to see if you had the CD to it, and you do.
Mr. Gustaw Toor. Wait a minute. What are you going to do with it?
*Marcin Toor pauses
Mr. Gustaw Toor. Marcin.
Marcin Toor. Yes?
Mr. Gustaw Toor. What are you going to do with my tape?
Marcin Toor. It’s windy outside.
Mr. Gustaw Toor. Yes?
Marcin Toor. And we were going to fly the tape.
Mr. Gustaw Toor. What do you mean? Are you going to use the tape as string or something for a kite?
Marcin Toor. No.
Mr. Gustaw Toor. Would you like to tell me what you’re going to do then?
Marcin Toor. The tape is really light, right?
Mr. Gustaw Toor. Right?
Marcin Toor. So the tape kind of flies in the wind if we pull it out of the case.
Mr. Gustaw Toor. That’s what you’re going to do? Fly the tape?
Marcin Toor. Can we use your tape?
Mr. Gustaw Toor. You should have asked me before I asked what was in your hand. Yes, and go.
End. Fly the Tape

Pawel. If a car would hit me, I wonder if I could avoid major injury to myself.
Moune. What brings this on?
Pawel. We cross streets all the time. One of these times, some psycho’s going to mow me and others down.
Moune. You not getting paranoid on me now, are you?
Pawel. I’ve been hit by a car before.
Moune. Were you okay?
Pawel. Yeah, the car wasn’t going full speed though. I went in front of a car going in reverse, then the driver just went into drive and hit me. I stumbled onto her roof.
Moune. This is why you’re preparing yourself for another accident with a car?
Pawel. Maybe. I’m a little disappointed in myself.
Moune. Why?
Pawel. If I could not avoid a car hitting me at say five miles an hour, how am I supposed to avoid a car going forty-five?
Moune. Do you have a pen on you?
Pawel. Why?
Moune. So I can write, “Hello, my name is Pawel. If you try to hit me with your car, I will not be able to avoid you. Have fun.”
Pawel. Here comes a car now.
End. Dodging Cars

Anja. I’ve been sleeping in my clothes lately.
Gamil. Really? Is it comfortable?
Anja. It’s not as if I mean to. I just want to lie down to take a short nap, but then I wake up at around four in the morning with my clothes on. Then I get my clothes off the side of the bed and go back to sleep. I’ve been doing this for days now.
Gamil. When have you been going to sleep?
Anja. Around eight.
Gamil. Eight? What are you? Seventy-four?
Anja. I’m not even sleeping a deep sleep. I’m always waking up and consider getting up to get my clothes off or at least get up to brush my teeth, but I can’t move. I don’t feel like moving, so I go back to sleep with my clothes on, but sometimes, I’ll take off my socks with my toes.
Gamil. If you want, I can come and take your clothes off for you.
Anja. Um, no.
Gamil. It was worth the try.
End. Wrinkled Articles

Guus. I thought I saw Sabiene the other day.
Bieke. You thought?
Guus. But it wasn’t her. It was as close to being her without being her.
Bieke. Okay?
Guus. Was taking the subway during rush hour, and there’s this girl that gives me the first impression that it could be Sabiene. It might have been her hair in a bun and her ears. So, I’m trying to figure out if she’s Sabiene or not.
Bieke. When was the last time you saw her?
Guus. It’s got to be three years now. We had dinner in Little Italy.
Bieke. But the girl in the subway wasn’t her?
Guus. She was cradling a pack of papers close to her breast. The one sheet I could read was a paper by Ward Ravet on planning or something of that nature.
Bieke. And Sabiene’s an architect.
Guus. Right. I had to check the name again. I thought maybe I misread it and the essay was written by this girl, but no. It was written by Ward Ravet for the University of Pennsylvania.
Bieke. She went to Wesley, didn’t she?
Guus. Yeah.
Bieke. I don’t know, Guus.
Guus. What?
Bieke. I didn’t know you were interested in Sabiene.
Guus. I ... um ... what?
End. Holding After Three Years

Maimouna. Lode, come over here. This is my friend, Eleni.
Eleni. Hi, Maimouna’s told me much about you. Is your finger okay?
Lode. It’s nice to finally meet you, and yes. The finger’s healing nicely.
Eleni. Are you treating Maimouna well?
Lode. As well as I can.
Eleni. Because if I hear you're treating her wrong, I’m going to put my foot in you.
Lode. And what lovely feet they are.
End. Foot Pressure

Katrijn. Hugues? Hi. Good morning.
Hugues. Hello? Um, Good morning?
Katrijn. We met the other day. At Veronique’s apartment?
Hugues. Okay? I’m sorry, I’m afraid I don’t remember. I met a lot of people that night.
Katrijn. Yeah, I understand. Veronique introduced you to everyone.
Hugues. You know, I don’t remember anyone from that night. I just remember Veronique taking my arm and introducing me to this person and that person.
Katrijn. Have you talked to Veronique lately?
Hugues. You know? No, I haven’t. Not since the party.
Katrijn. She's still upset with you.
Hugues. What? Why?
Katrijn. You don’t remember?
Hugues. No, it’s weird. I wasn’t drinking, was I?
Katrijn. Your hair. What do you think happened to it?
Hugues. I was wondering what happened to it.
Katrijn. You used Veronique’s scissors to cut your hair in her living room.
Hugues. That’s how it happened?
Katrijn. You were screaming that you were sorry and didn’t want to meet any more people then went unconscious.
Hugues. Oh, who took me home?
Katrijn. I did.
Hugues. What’s you’re name?
Katrijn. Katrijn.
Hugues. Katrijn?
Katrijn. Yes.
Hugues. Thank you. It’s almost time for dinner. Would you like to get something to eat?
End. Stop Introducing Hugues

Jaak. There was a fight in the library.
Nolle. Really? What happened?
Jaak. I’m not sure. I got there late. You could hear one of the guy’s voice echoing down the halls. He’s yelling something about Faulkner.
Nolle. Faulkner made him violent? What about the other guy?
Jaak. I don’t know. I guess he was defending Faulkner.
Nolle. So it was about Faulkner?
Jaak. I guess so. It was kind of funny. I wanted to start a library brawl and start wailing on the guy next to me. It was a nice change of pace so see everybody up out from the tables, laughing and enjoying the spectacle.
Nolle. We should start a fight in the library too. I’ve always wanted to get kicked out of the library.
Jaak. Let’s go to a smaller one. I’m not ready to be banned by the library yet.
End. Library Violence

Mout. Hey, you nearly hit my eye. What are you trying to do? Blind me?
Daja. I didn’t consider that, but thinking about it, it would be a bonus.
Mout. What is wrong with you? Stop throwing rocks at me. If you’re going to throw anything at me, think bigger, like pillows or bean bags.
Daja. You have become my personal devil. Every year, I set some time to throw stones at my devil.
Mout. I’ve never been a part of someone’s belief system before. Watch it, you almost got the other eye.
Daja. You’re so evil. These stone are too good for you.
Mout. Good good, go and find something sharper. I think I'll catch a bus to a warm and sunny place.
End. Rocks to Sand

Boeme. Hey, what’s wrong?
Josine. I’m not normal.
Boeme. You just figured this out?
Josine. Maybe I knew that I'm not, but now, I almost want to be.
Boeme. What happened?
Josine. Before going to work, I planned to go to a stationary store to buy a pen. There’s this store that I just found, and it seemed like a pretty nice store. It wasn’t the best laid out, nor did it have the biggest selection, but I think I liked it because it was on my way to work. Anyway, I went today to get a pen, but when I walked up to the store, all there was was the sign above the front window. The whole store was cleaned out. There’s absolutely nothing left.
Boeme. Wait. How does this make you not normal?
Josine. That's the thing. I actually enjoyed the fact that the store was cleaned out. I stayed there, staring into the store, imagining the owner watching his store diminish pen by pen, paper by paper.
Boeme. Maybe the store moved.
Josine. There was no sign, but I didn’t want to believe that they moved anyway. I enjoyed the feeling I had knowing that the store is no longer there. I was even late for work. I need help, Boeme.
Boeme. I don’t know how to help you, Josine.
End. Enjoying the Loss of Others

Rimko. Where are you going? Come back.
Jeroren. Okay. You want me to do what?
Rimko. All I want you to do is scare him. Teach him a lesson.
Jeroren. That’s what I thought. I’m having nostalgic feelings of when I was in Nepal with dysentery. Excuse me. I’m going to have diarrhea.
Rimko. Wait. Here, take this.
Jeroren. What is this for?
Rimko. Use it to spill some of his blood. Not a lot, just enough to get him thinking.
Jeroren. Aw, the hollow pain in my stomach. I have to go. You’re making me sick.
Rimko. I’m serious. He needs to be taught a lesson.
Jeroren. I don’t think I can wait any longer.
Rimko. You’re not going to do it, are you?
Jeroren. A bucket. I need a bucket right now.
End. To Blow My Shakes Out
psatwentythreeone

Pepper. What are you looking for, Miles?
Miles. My trumpet. I can’t find my trumpet. It has to be here. There’s no other place where it could be. Where’s my trumpet? Where is it? Where did I put it?
Pepper. You getting the shakes again?
Miles. Not yet, but I can feel it coming. I’m on edge. This time it’s going to slice me in half. I need my trumpet. Where is it?
Pepper. Okay. Do you remember when you last played it?
Miles. It was with Trane. I can’t believe it. What is wrong with me? How do I lose my trumpet? It has to be here. I put it down right here.
Pepper. Did you call Trane? Maybe he has it.
Miles. I’ll kill him if he has it. He knows that’s my trumpet. It takes my shakes away. I got them bad. I can feel it. Look at my hands.
Pepper. I’ll give him a call, Miles. You just sit down. Have a drink. Do you have something to drink in here?
Miles. I don’t need no drink. I need my trumpet.
Pepper. I’ll give Trane a call. You just sit tight.
Miles. He better not have my trumpet. I’ll kill him. Where’s my trumpet? Why can’t I see it? It should be somewhere where I can see it. The shakes are coming, Pepper. They’re coming. I need my trumpet to blow my shakes out.
End. To Blow My Shakes Out
onesamsixteentwentythree

Ayala. I’m thinking of quitting my job.
Maurtis. Right now?
Ayala. Maybe, I’m not sure.
Maurtis. Do you have a reason for quitting?
Ayala. Do you think I’m crazy?
Maurtis. Let me know the reason, and I’ll let you know if you’re crazy.
Ayala. I have this feeling I have to go to Sardinia.
Maurtis. What’s in Sardinia?
Ayala. I have no idea.
Maurtis. So, you’re going to quit and fly to Sardinia?
Ayala. I’m not sure. It’s just a feeling, but I feel like doing it. I’ve already checked prices to fly and stay in Sardinia.
Maurtis. How long would you stay?
Ayala. I don’t know. Until the feeling goes away?
Maurtis. This feeling, is it a good feeling or a bad feeling? I mean, do you want it to go away?
Ayala. Me wanting anything has nothing to do with it. It’s just a feeling inside me pushing me to go to Sardinia.
Maurtis. Sardinia? The island of Sardinia?
Ayala. Yes.
Maurtis. Do you even speak Italian?
Ayala. They don’t speak Italian there. It’s another dialect.
Maurtis. What are you going to do there?
Ayala. I don’t know.
Maurtis. Do you want my advice?
Ayala. Please.
Maurtis. I don’t think you should go until you know something.
Ayala. Like what?
Maurtis. Anything. It sounds like you need a confirmation of sorts. For example, if you meet some random person on the street and you’re having a conversation then you find out that he’s from Sardinia. Then I would say you should go.
Ayala. What is going on with me? I’m going crazy, aren’t I?
Maurtis. You’re not crazy until you go.
Ayala. I almost want to be crazy.
End. Close to Going
onesamthreeseven

Valkyrie. How long will you be away?
October. A couple of years I would think.
Valkyrie. I’ve been thinking about that.
October. About what?
Valkyrie. How long you’ll be away. We’re going to live separated lives.
October. But I’ll be back.
Valkyrie. It’s going to feel strange when you come back.
October. I would hope you would be happy.
Valkyrie. I would be, but by then, I would have gotten used to you being away.
October. I hate to think that my leaving would affect you to a large degree.
Valkyrie. At first, it would, but you know me. I’ll adjust.
October. I know you will. I will miss you though.
Valkyrie. Of course, I would miss you as well, it’s just I don’t know how I would react when you returned. It would not be the same reaction if you came only a month from now. Years are a long time.
October. I don’t think there’s anything we can do.
Valkyrie. Our friendship’s going to change, isn’t it?
October. I’m afraid so.
End. Years are a Long Time