One.
Pashko. I was going through my stuff the other day, and I ran across this.
Libuse. “The Selected Writings of Edgar Allan Poe.” It’s a pretty old copy.
Pashko. Open up the cover.
Libuse. “Klara Deen, 424-7086, R.U., Mr. Berkey.” Previous owner?
Pashko. An English teacher from high school lent me this book to write a paper on Poe. I’ve been borrowing this book for twelve years now.
Libuse. I think it’s beyond borrowing. You’ve stolen from Ms. Klara Deen.
Pashko. I think Klara’s the name of my English teacher’s wife.

Two.
Klara Deen. Honey, I’m trying to find my Edgar Allen Poe book. I can’t find it.
Scoville Kavcic. It’s not in the bookcase?
Klara Deen. Nope. You know? I can’t remember the last time I saw it.
Scoville Kavcic. This was a while ago, but I remember letting one of my students borrow the book once. He was having trouble with a term paper on Poe. I’m trying to remember, but I don’t think he ever returned it.
Klara Deen. I wanted to read my side notes on his poetry. I thought it would help me with this verse I’m working on.
Scoville Kavcic. I wonder if he still has your book. I thought it would have helped him.
Klara Deen. Did it?
Scoville Kavcic. He never finished the paper for me.

Three.
Pashko. I never did finish that paper, and I ended up getting a miserable grade that quarter. I could never show that report card to my parents, so I thought of a place where no one could imagine a report card would be.
Libuse. Where’s that?
Pashko. Rolled up in the guest room’s window shade. It’s funny why I didn’t just think of burning it or throwing it away. Instead, I had to hide it. I kind of wonder if knowing exactly where it is gave me some sort of calm about my grade.
Libuse. But your parent’s found out about it, right?
Pashko. Being a failure to my parents was always tough to confront.
Libuse. When I was young, it was difficult for me to return library books. For some reason they would run overdue, and I would have to pay five cents from my allowance each day it was late. I don’t think I could handle the impact of my saved money leaking nickel by nickel. So I responded to the stress by hiding the book behind the stereo speakers and hoped that such a random place would be enough for the library to forget about the book and the overdue charges. It didn’t dawn on me that simply returning the book would have been the best solution.
Pashko. Yeah, returning this book was really difficult for me to do.
End. Books Kept and Hidden

Guillermo. Are you going to get that?
Asa. Don’t worry about it. It’s no one.
Guillermo. Who is it?
Asa. Never mind. Just try to ignore it.
Guillermo. Do you want me to go and send the guy off?
Asa. No, he’ll just ask more questions. Don’t make it more complicated than it really is.
Guillermo. He’s pretty persistent. How long do you think he’s going to knock on your door?
Asa. I don’t care. Just leave it alone. Please.
Guillermo. Are you sure you don’t want me to do something about it?
Asa. I know you want to, but I really don’t want you to.
Guillermo. Then could you let me know who’s knocking at your door?
Asa. I guess it is difficult to recognize your own knocking.
End. On Both Sides

Kave. I got the job.
Nuala. You did? Finally. How do you feel?
Kave. I don’t know if I’m going to take it or not.
Nuala. What do you mean? You’ve been waiting for them to respond for how long now?
Kave. Five months.
Nuala. What happened?
Kave. I came here because I had an understanding that I had a job here, but all of the sudden I don’t have a job with them. Now they come to me saying that they now have a job for me. Five months.
Nuala. I know.
Kave. I cannot believe they make me wait five months. I hate to admit it, but I’ll probably take the job.
Nuala. What’s wrong with that?
Kave. I’m only taking it because I have no self-respect. Whatever I had disappeared during those five months. I would like to say that I could refuse the job just flat out, but taking this job would make my life easier.
Nuala. Then take it. I don’t see anything wrong in taking it.
Kave. I’m like a kid who’s been refused to be given a toy, but when the toy is given to the kid, the kid refuses it.
Nuala. It’s stubborn pride.
Kave. Of which I have very little.
End. A Five Month Process

Ekram. I passed this guy on a payphone in the subway today.
Enza. Oh?
Ekram. He stopped me and asked me for a quarter. He couldn’t find one in his pockets or his jacket. It looked like he was in a rush.
Enza. Did you give him a quarter?
Ekram. I did, but it made me think. I usually don’t give change to beggars asking for money, but I just gave this guy a quarter just because he had (in my initial mind) a legitimate reason to ask for a quarter. He immediately needed a quarter to continue his conversation. I saw that, so I decided to help.
Enza. Right. Makes sense.
Ekram. But what about beggars in general? They ask for change in order to get a meal, which would be more important than a phone call, but see. What are beggars buying with their change? Is it food? Beer? I really don’t know.
Enza. So it’s easier for you to give a quarter to the guy at the payphone because you know he’s going to use it for the payphone.
Ekram. Right, which makes this guy a genius.
Enza. Why?
Ekram. Cause there was no one on the other side of that telephone call.
End. Dialtone for Quarters

Ulian. See that man?
Bieta. Which one? The one by the bowling alley?
Ulian. He’s there every single day.
Bieta. Maybe he works there.
Ulian. He doesn’t.
Bieta. How do you know that? Have you been following him?
Ulian. I just bowled a couple of frames. He doesn’t work there, but he doesn’t really bowl there either. He’ll come in, get something to eat from the bar, and go to another room.
Bieta. Then he has to work there. I mean, what kind of room does he go into?
Ulian. I don’t know really, but he doesn’t work there.
Bieta. How do you know that?
Ulian. I went up to him and asked him if he could help me with my scoring machine, and he told me that he didn’t work there. I tried going through the door, and it was locked. No sign either. He’s a part of some sort of underground, Bieta. Look, he’s going back into the bowling alley. Do you want to bowl a couple frames?
Bieta. Why do you want to make your life more exciting than it really is?
Ulian. Isn’t it obvious?
End. The Thrill of Bowling

Rabie. Hey, are you okay?
Thoma. You know? I've never been so alienated by music before. It’s very interesting.
Rabie. Why? Don’t you like the music?
Thoma. No, the music's great. Everyone's extremely talented. Everyone's feeding off each other. That's how music should be played, really.
Rabie. Then what's the problem?
Thoma. Each musician was playing to one another. In essence, they were conducting conversations with each other. Even you picked up those drumsticks and start hitting on things. Every participant playing, singing, or dancing was communicating with each other. I just felt like I was not a part of the conversation, so I decided to leave.
Rabie. You could have joined in on us. I mean, I'm no musician. You know that.
Thoma. Yeah, I was feeling a bit musically antisocial.
Rabie. That's okay. Are you sure you don't want to come back in and maybe listen?
Thoma. That music's not supposed to be listened to.
End. Musically Uninvolved

Ilo. What’s that in your hand?
Serafin. Oh yeah. I don’t think I told you this, but I joined a cult without knowing it.
Ilo. A cult, really?
Serafin. At first I thought it was an association that promoted growing organic foods, but some of the tasks we did in our garden had this cultish feel to it.
Ilo. What do you mean?
Serafin. While gardening, there was someone with a hand bell who would occasionally ring it. When he rang it, we were supposed to stop what we were doing and stand still until he rang the bell again.
Ilo. Why?
Serafin. While standing still, we were supposed to meditate on the specific action that we were just doing. Say I was transferring a tomato plant and the bell rang while my trowel was in the soil. I was supposed to stop there and imagine everything about my stillness, the soil touching the metal of the trowel, me bending over, my knees bending into the dirt, the tomato plant roots waiting to be sifted from one place to another. I really didn’t get it. I just wanted to grow plants.
Ilo. Sounds very irregular.
Serafin. Yeah, I like the organic foods and cooking, but everything else is not for me. It’s not worth being a part of it, really.
Ilo. So are you going to leave?
Serafin. That’s the thing. I tried just not going to the garden these last couple of weeks, but people from the garden started to call me, and asked me why I have not been doing my duties, and how disappointed they were of me. I didn’t really need any of it, so I finally told them that I did not want to be a part of their association any longer, but in order for me to be cut off from them, they asked me to write a handwritten, signed letter saying that I have decided to kill myself from the garden. I actually had to write, “I have decided to kill myself from the garden.”
Ilo. Is that the letter in your hand?
Serafin. Yeah, I have to hand it in in person.
Ilo. Did you want me to go with you?
Serafin. Please.
End. Ending the Association

Rakip. Hey, Kadri?
Kadri. What is it?
Rakip. Um, before we go play poker, I think I’ll play some slots.
Kadri. Why do you want to do that?
Rakip. I’m a little nervous.
Kadri. Why slots? Why not roulette, or shoot some craps?
Rakip. I just need to get the edge off me with some mindless gambling.
Kadri. It’s not because we’re right here in the middle of all these slots with their fancy lights and bells ringing for you?
Rakip. What are you trying to say?
Kadri. Haven’t you noticed that in order to get to a poker table we have to go though every other gambling table?
Rakip. Yeah, I wanted to check out the Pai Gow tables. That looked interesting.
Kadri. The casino doesn’t make money when we play poker. They’d rather us lose our money on anything else. That’s why we pass everything else before we get to the tables.
Rakip. But I just want to slip a couple of dollars into the slots. It’s not big deal, right?
Kadri. You’re falling right into what the casino wants you to do.
Rakip. Eh, I won’t be ruined by it, that’s all that matters to me.
Kadri. I’m not going to be surprised if I find you at the Pai Gow tables.
Rakip. You got to take it easy. This place is like an ocean. You just flow with the tide.
Kadri. Do you know what time it is?
Rakip. No, I don’t have a watch. Why?
End. Signs of Trouble

One.
Casino Security. Hold on, what’s that?
Evald. Oh, this machine is connected to my circulation. If I don’t have it with me, my blood will pump backwards, and I’ll die.
Casino Security. I’m not sure I can let you in with that thing.
Evald. Sir, I’m not going to last the year. You’re going to tell me I came all the way here to be refused?
Casino Security. Look, I never saw anything like that machine. How do I know you’re telling me the truth? How do I know it does what you’re telling me it does?
Evald. All I want to do is play a little roulette. Please, let a dying man play some roulette.
Casino Security. Okay, okay, just tell me how the machine works, you know, where the tubes go and what not. Now you say it’s got to do with your circulation?
Evald. Yes, this tube goes into my blood circulation and this one goes out. The machine replenishes the red blood cells with oxygen and nutrients and reincorporates it into my system.
Casino Security. Uh huh, what about this display?
Evald. That gives me my blood statistics, and I can manually enter in commands to control the blood intake.
Casino Security. Seems like a very complicated machine.
Evald. It is. Now that you’ve seen the machine. Please, let this dying man gamble.
Casino Security. Okay, sir. Good luck.

Two.
Roulette Dealer. No more bets.
Winner, twenty-eight black.
Evald. What do you know? My lucky day.
Roulette Dealer. If I didn’t know better, your circulation machine’s helping you win.
Evald. How dare you accuse me? This machine is keeping me alive.
Roulette Dealer. I apologize, sir.
Evald. You make me sick. I’m leaving this table and this casino. I just came here to gamble, and all I get is hassled by you types.

Three.
Fane. Hey, your back. How did the Roulette Key work?
Evald. I won about fifty grand.
Fane. Not too bad for one night.
Evald. I think they’re on to us. This thing’s too big. They’re going to find out what it really does.
Fane. Just don’t go back to the same casino.
Evald. How many casinos are we going to hit?
Fane. Well, there one down, eleven more left. Hopefully, all of them will let you in. You couldn’t win more than fifty grand?
Evald. I was getting nervous, and the man at the table was noticing that I was getting nervous.
Fane. You’re just not used to being so dishonest. It takes some time. Maybe you should play some poker before you play roulette and practice bluffing. Maybe that’ll help you calm you down.
Evald. I think I need to practice getting excited about winning so much money.
Fane. Like this? I can’t believe it! I just won fifty grand! I never won anything in my life! What should I do? What am I going to do? Isn’t life great?
Fane. Why am I out there and not you?
End. The Risk of the Roulette Key

One.
Maksim. Hi there.
Faruk. Hello.
Maksim. Finally made it, huh?
Faruk. Never again.
Maksim. Well, you do have to go back.
Faruk. I’m going to take my time going back. Getting here was absolute hell.
Maksim. How long did it take you to get here?
Faruk. What time is it now?
Maksim. Just before 3:30
Faruk. Well, just about six hours.
Maksim. Jump in the pools?
Faruk. Every chance I got. Looks like you’ve been here for a few days.
Maksim. About a week now.
Faruk. Really? You brought that much food?
Maksim. Not really. I came here with a bunch of my friends, they left three days ago.
Faruk. What do you do about food?
Maksim. Luckily, other hikers come along and volunteer some of their food with me. I pay for it if they let me. I’m no beggar.
Faruk. I’m guessing you would want me to donate something to your cause.
Maksim. Of course I would be willing to pay for it.
Faruk. Well, I can give you a day’s worth and leave here earlier.
Maksim. Much appreciated.
Faruk. So when are you planning to go back?
Maksim. I gather when I run out of food. I’m not looking forward to the return hike up and down those valleys, through the trees and tall grass, that climb up that cliff. I loathed every step.
Faruk. I did too.
Maksim. I’m not going to go back until I’m forced to.
Faruk. Well, I’m going to set up camp. I’ll be back with food.
Maksim. Thanks again. Much appreciated.

Two.
Faruk. Hello?
Maksim. Hi, there. On your way back?
Faruk. Yes, but I was wondering. I could call someone up for you. Tell them you’re all right.
Maksim. Yeah, that’ll be funny. Denes’ll get a phone call from a stranger saying that I’m okay.
Faruk. I can do that if you like. What do you want me to tell Denes?
Maksim. Tell him that I have his wallet and passport. If he’s wants to get them, he has to come get them.
End. Retribution for Hiking

Galius. I can’t help think about the countdown to New Year’s, Arben.
Arben. What about it?
Galius. It’s a countdown, and I think consciously or unconsciously (I can’t tell) I feel like when the time reaches 12:00, something horrible will happen.
Arben. Like what?
Galius. I think it has to do with computer scare when 2000 was near. I can’t shake the notion that the entire world runs on computers, and if they shut down, this world would cease to function. I would not be surprised if an old computer responsible for Earth’s rotation was buried near the center of the Earth.
Arben. A what?
Galius. 2000 would come and the computer at the center of the earth would think it was the year 1000, but then it wouldn’t matter because the computer would continue to control the Earth’s rotation as if it was the year 1000.
Galius. So then there’s nothing to be worried about, right?
Arben. But what if a team of scientists found this computer and realized the year was wrong and decided to correct the problem?
Galius. Then the computer’s year would be correct. No harm, right?
Arben. I’m not sure. What if the computer was programmed to stop the Earth’s rotation in the year 2004?
Galius. Then I guess we would be floating in our cars.
End. The Computer Buried Near the Center of the Earth