Thaddea. Have we ever been here before? I don't think we've been here before.
Haluk. It's one of the first places we've been to. Don't you remember?
Thaddea. I don't remember. Are you sure it was with me? Maybe you're mixing me up with some other girl. Some other girl you dated before me.
Haluk. I definitely remember that the girl I was with was this absolutely gorgeous girl. Beautiful.
Thaddea. I think I have been here before.
End. Placed With What is Fair

Micaela. Do you consider me as your equal?
Kacper. I don’t think so. You do come up to me for advice, so I would say I am slightly wiser in a way.
Micaela. In what way?
Kacper. I don’t know. Things like keeping monkeys away from the camp, that sort of thing.
Micaela. That doesn’t seem to be very important.
Kacper. What’s important then?
Micaela. Relationships would be one.
Kacper. Do you need help with your relationships?
Micaela. No, I don’t think so.
Kacper. I wouldn’t think so. You seem pretty grounded.
Micaela. Thanks.
Kacper. But if you did need help, I might be able to help.
Micaela. Is that another thing you’re wiser?
Kacper. What do you think?
Micaela. Well, you’re getting married. Maybe you do have a slight advantage. I’m not close to being married. I think I need to know what it means to be married before I go forward.
Kacper. The first night I arrived in India, I met a girl from Japan. She was staying in the same hostel, but she was traveling alone. It was very curious. Why was this girl traveling alone in India?
Micaela. Why was she?
Kacper. I didn’t ask.
Micaela. Why? Did you like her?
Kacper. She was attractive. She was one of those girls that a dozen guys would be attracted to at the same time.
Micaela. Do you think I’m one of those girls?
Kacper. I remember my neighbor wrote a song about her. Kaiyo was her name. He was lying on his bed with his legs against the wall and his guitar on his stomach singing about Kaiyo.
Micaela. Kaiyo. I can’t tell if that’s a pretty name or not.
Kacper. I did find out what her story was from the neighbor. She was getting married, so she decided to travel to India before she got married.
Micaela. Sounds like she was figuring out what it meant to be married.
Kacper. I think we all have our thoughts and words on marriage.
Micaela. What are yours?
Kacper. I’ll let you know when I’m married.
Micaela. Do you think Kaiyo ever figured out what it means to be married?
Kacper. She would have been married for eight years now. I would hope so.
Micaela. I guess she’s that much wiser.
Kacper. I didn't know anything when I was in India.
End. Eight Years Wiser

Jake. How was the new ball park?
Vince. There was something familiar and refreshing in seeing the color red - something like the first brisk day of Autumn.
End. One Citizens Bank Way, Philadelphia, PA 19148-5249

Giulia. What are you thinking about?
Kornel. I can't get this one lady out of my head.
Giulia. Who is it?
Kornel. I was driving towards the Susquehanna and I stopped at an intersection. I signaled right and there was a No Turn on Red sign, so I was just waiting for the light to turn green. Then some lady pulls up behind me and taps her horn.
Giulia. She wanted you to go on the red?
Kornel. When I didn't go, she then pressed down on her horn. The blare and accent was directed towards me alone.
Giulia. Are you serious?
Kornel. I saw her through my rearview window. With no sophistication, her eyes wanted to spring out and hurt me for not taking the right. Someone in one of the row houses across the street came to his front door out of curiosity.
Giulia. Why are people like that? What gives them the right to be like that?
Kornel. Impatience and ignorance give them that right. So I tried to communicate that there was a No Turn on Red sign by opening my window and pointing towards the sign, but she continued with her horn.
Giulia. Did you do anything?
Kornel. No. The unexpected can happen when approaching a stranger's car.
Giulia. I think I would have lost it if I were you.
Kornel. But my problem is that I can't let it go. I am overpowered by that incident. I've let her have this control over me. I think about more often than I should.
Giulia. Do you think you should have gone to her car?
Kornel. The way she was, I could have offered her flowers and a puppy and she still would have taken offense from me. There's no point in talking to a person stubborn-blind like that.
Giulia. But it sounds like she haunts you.
Kornel. She does. How do you get someone like that out of your head?
Giulia. I wonder if there's a support group for dealing with obnoxious drivers.
Kornel. Yes, I've been traumatized by one.
End. Obnoxious Driver Trauma

Ivaylo. You look tired.
Martijn. I think I'm just going to give up.
Ivaylo. What do you mean?
Martijn. They want to catch me more than I want to escape, so I'm giving up.
Ivaylo. I don't understand; all this time invested in running.
Martijn. Exactly. The goal of escaping is being free, not constantly running. I should not be running anymore. I am tried of it.
Ivaylo. What are you going to do? Give yourself up?
Martijn. I don't know. Even if I wanted to, I don't think I could.
Ivaylo. So you still want to escape?
Martijn. I should have been free by now. How long am I going to do this?
Ivaylo. I still want to escape more than they want to catch me. I am going to keep running.
Martijn. How do you keep running?
Ivaylo. I can actually imagine being free. To me, it is very real.
Martijn. I lost that. Running is the end for me.
Ivaylo. Look, there’s Murad. He’s found us. Do you think you can imagine being free? Let's go run. Murad's tired too. There are people to easier catch than us.
Martijn. But we're the catch.
Ivaylo. Yes we are. Here he comes, are you ready to run?
Martijn. What if I caught you?
End. Martijn Runs a Different Path

Matej. I've decided to take the car on its last trip.
Amit. Your car? Where are you taking it?
Matej. I'm going to make my way towards Colorado. Maybe rent a kayak and find the center of one of them still lakes.
Amit. I don't think you'll make it. That car's going to fall apart before you get there.
Matej. That's a possibility, but if the car falls apart, I'll call it the end and depending on where I am, I'll continue to Colorado on a bus or go back home.
Amit. You love your car don't you?
Matej. It's the only one I've had.
Amit. It's about time. You've had that car for too long.
Matej. It's served me well. You know the saying.
Amit. I bet you it won't last for two states.
Matej. Three if I'm lucky.
Amit. I've never been to Colorado. Can I come with you?
Matej. No.
End. Without Amit

Csilla. Hey, I'm going to meet with Matwe at Bagdan's. Do you want to join us?
Thiemo. Perhaps not.
Csilla. Why not?
Thiemo. It's Matwe. I do not think I can maintain myself around him.
Csilla. What? Really?
Thiemo. He's just one of those people that bring out the worst in me. It's overbearing. I subconsciously consent to his influence.
Csilla. What would be you at your worst?
Thiemo. I am insecure, defensive, and awkward, and then I start to hate myself.
Csilla. I hope that's not how you feel when we meet.
Thiemo. Not at all. I would say that you bring out a truer sense of me.
Csilla. Well good. I guess I can say the same about you.
Thiemo. We should meet more often.
Csilla. Why don’t we?
Thiemo. When did you have to go to Bagdan’s?
Csilla. I’m a little thirsty. Did you want to go get a drink?
Thiemo. I know a place.
End. Thiemo’s Best and Worst

Thiemo. You know, I don't blame him. It’s really my issue. I actually respect Matwe, but I'm just not mature enough to handle him.
Csilla. Do you think there will be a point where you will be able to handle Matwe?
Thiemo. Sure, but it's not something that I'm working on. It'll happen when it happens, and I won't even notice it.
Csilla. How do you know when it happens?
Thiemo. I'm hoping it doesn't.
End. Hoping for the Worst

Marse. Amadine? It's me.
Amadine. Hey, what's up?
Marse. Are you home?
Amadine. Yeah, I was about to go out, why?
Marse. Can you do me a favor?
Amadine. What is it?
Marse. Can you find the pair of pants I wore yesterday and take out the chili pepper in one of my pockets?
Amadine. Hold on.

Hello? I got it. It's pretty cute. Where did you get this?
Marse. I got it at the grocery store.
Amadine. You just got one? How much was it?
Marse. I didn't pay for it.
Amadine. You stole it?
Marse. Well, not really. It was on the floor. It was going to be thrown out, so I decided to take it. It's just one pepper.
Amadine. Wait, you always discourage me from taste testing cherries.
Marse. Yes, because you need to also discard the stem and seed somewhere.
Amadine. What about grapes? Would you have any problems me taste testing grapes? I mean seedless grapes.
Marse. Not as much, but it's still different from why I took the pepper.
Amadine. How?
Marse. Well, one thing, the chili was going to be swept up and thrown out since it was on the floor. You're taking perfectly good cherries and eating them on the spot.
Amadine. I don't know. This one looks perfectly fine. You could have simply returned the pepper back with the others. Whoever would have taken it would probably have washed it. But, I don't get it anyways.
Marse. Get what?
Amadine. What are you going to do with one pepper?
Marse. I'm taking the seeds to dry then plant them.
End. The Cost of Chili Peppers

Yera. Andemir?
Andemir. Hey Yera.
Yera. Hey where have you been? I haven't seen you around in a couple of weeks.
Andemir. I was getting tired of all these lights. You can't see anything but the lights around here.
Yera. Light pollution.
Andemir. Exactly. So I wanted to find a dark place, a place where light was necessary.
Yera. Did you find it?
Andemir. I had to consider it, but I did. I had to find an observatory. There would be darkness there.
Yera. I've been to an observatory once. It was in India. Remember Gvidas?
Andemir. Ah yes. Gvidas.
Yera. We went trekking along the southern coast and found our way to one of the British hill stations near Madras to get away from the heat. It had an observatory there at the top of one of the hills. It was weird though. No one was there. All that was there were black beetles the size of golf balls.
Andemir. No one was at the observatory when I got there either, but it was what I was looking for. By half past nine, it got dark. All color faded to black, the stars came in clusters, it was what I needed.
Yera. So you stayed there for a couple of weeks?
Andemir. Yeah, I found a cheap place to stay.
Yera. What did you do when it was light?
Andemir. I went to the library and did some reading, did some hiking in the forest, ate at the diners and cafes there.
Yera. You know, when I was at the observatory with Gvidas, it didn't occur to me that we should have stayed until it got dark. We hitchhiked our way back down the hill and had dinner at the first place we found. I can only remember the sprigs of mint in our lemonade.
Andemir. It must have been deeply dark at that hill station.
Yera. It might have been, but I guess I wasn’t looking for it. You were escaping the light. I was escaping the heat.
Andemir. I can’t remember if it was cold.
End. Unnecessary Light and Heat

Alisee. Hey do you want to have the watermelon in your fridge?
Laurentiu. Maybe not. It's been there for a good three weeks.
Alisee. Really?
Laurentiu. I don't know what it is. Every week I used to cut up a whole watermelon, store it in my refrigerator, and eat it all through out the rest of the week. Now I can't even finish one in a month.
Alisee. You sound worried about eating watermelon.
Laurentiu. My motivation to eat watermelon is gone. I’m done with slicing through the flesh, the resistance of the rind’s curve, the occasional snap of splitting a seed, spitting them out, my wet cutting board with red juices and whatever's left over.
Alisee. Are you motivated to eat anything?
Laurentiu. I think I've lost the joy of eating.
Alisee. That's horrible. How can you not enjoy eating?
Laurentiu. It's become just a task in order not be hungry.
Alisee. You love food.
Laurentiu. I do.
Alisee. Does all this have to do with watermelon?
Laurentiu. I don't know. Probably not. It's just the result of something heavier.
Alisee. What if I cut the watermelon? Do you think you'll have some?
Laurentiu. Maybe. Sure.
Alisee. Where's your knife? I'll go ahead and cut it.
Laurentiu. There should be one drying on the rack by the sink.
Alisee. Oh, you know what? This watermelon's bad.
Laurentiu. Yeah. Thanks, though.
Alisee. Let's go out and get another one. Do you think you'll enjoy eating watermelon again?
Laurentiu. Let's find out.
End. Motivation for Watermelon

Florent. Micaela?
Micaela. Hey, what are you doing here?
Florent. I'm just returning some books at the library.
Micaela. Anything interesting?
Florent. Not really actually.
Micaela. Bad batch?
Florent. You could say that. So what happened to your finger? Did the kitten bite it?
Micaela. Oh yeah. Look at this.
Florent. What happened?
Micaela. I guess Kitty doesn't like to be put in a laundry basket.
Florent. Might bring back memories of cages from the past.
Micaela. I noticed something about her jaw though. Take a look at it.
Florent. It's a little off, isn't it?
Micaela. I think she's been abused before I got her. Kitty’s definitely has a distrust on me. She doesn’t like to be pet. This is the first time she drew blood.
Florent. It'll take some time, but I'm sure she’ll learn to trust you. What about strangers? Does she distrust strangers as well?
Micaela. Try petting her.
End. Kitty bites Florent

Pawel. Hey Erling?
Erling. What's up?
Pawel. Do you think I could hitch a ride with you?
Erling. Aren't you supposed to go with Galina?
Pawel. Yes, but I do not feel safe with her.
Erling. Why? You've driven with her before?
Pawel. Actually no, but here. Come look at this.
Erling. Is this her car?
Pawel. Yes.
Erling. Why is her mirror tilted like that?
Pawel. She uses it as a vanity mirror alone.
Erling. Would you like to sit on Daouda's lap in my car?
Pawel. I don't mind being in the trunk.
End. Galina Sees Galina

Pirmin. I saw myself in an elevator yesterday.
Giada. What?
Pirmin. I was just getting off the elevator to my apartment and there I was, in another elevator going down to the first floor.
Giada. I don’t understand. Are you sure you saw yourself? Maybe it was someone who looked like you.
Pirmin. Before the elevator closed, he had this expression of confidence like we knew what we were both thinking.
Giada. What were you thinking?
Pirmin. I had thoughts of confusion when seeing myself and he in turn sympathized.
Giada. You didn’t try talking to him, at least try to catch the elevator to make sure it was you?
Pirmin. I guess I was in shock and nothing sensible came to mind.
Giada. I would have tackled him and demanded that he tell me who he was.
Pirmin. He probably would be ready for it.
End. Pirmin Sees Pirmin

Play

Claes. Someone wrapped a few newspapers together and left it burning in front of the warehouse.
Nadeza. Really? Was anyone hurt?
Claes. No. It didn’t cause any alarm. It was a small fire whipping near the curb of the street. Someone may have stopped in front of the gate, lit the bundle, dropped it, and drove off.
Nadeza. A form of protest maybe?
Claes. Like dropping anonymous anger for us to see.
Nadeza. Did anyone extinguish the fire?
Claes. I don’t think so. I came back after work and found it still smoldering. Thin flakes of newspaper smoked off in circles close by.
Nadeza. The warehouse wasn’t evacuated?
Claes. I don’t think anyone said anything to management.
Nadeza. You would think someone would have called the police to come in and check to see if it was a bomb or something.
Claes. Yeah, I don’t know. It turned out to be someone’s expression on how they felt.
Nadeza. Claes?
Claes. Yes?
Nadeza. You weren’t the one who did it, were you?
Claes. I wish I had.
End. Dropping Anonymous Anger

Evgueni. How are you Mr. Mose?
Rouslan Mose. Well, you know why I’m here.
Evgueni. Yes, and I just called one of our drivers. He’ll be in with your car in a few minutes. It came straight from the factory.
Rouslan Mose. He’s driving from the factory? Where’s the factory?
Evgueni. No, it was just shipped in from the German factory. It’s coming from the port.
Rouslan Mose. So the car will carry a German smell.
End. A German Intimation

Hafid. The big game’s tomorrow.
Dor. Yup.
Hafid. You’re gonna be working, aren’t you?
Dor. Gotta pay the bills.
Hafid. So you’re telling me you’re gonna be just fine driving your bus up and down the city while the game is going on?
Dor. I’m taking a radio with me.
Hafid. What radio?
Dor. I’m borrowing Luben’s radio so I can listen to the game.
Hafid. Lube’s radio? That thing’s the size of a piano. Where you gonna put that thing? On your lap?
Dor. I’ve got some room by the steering wheel.
Hafid. Isn’t there a rule where you can’t play a radio in the bus? What are you gonna do, use head phones or something?
Dor. I shouldn’t use head phones while driving.
Hafid. You’re gonna play the game in your bus?
Dor. Yup.
Hafid. I don’t know. I don’t know if I’d feel comfortable listening to the game in your bus.
Dor. I wouldn’t expect you to.
Hafid. If I can bring beers, maybe. I’d drink them in paper bags.
Dor. They’d be sodas to me.
End. Game to Bus

Ophelie. Hello.
Gurvarinder. Hello.
Ophelie. We met before. At the bus station.
Gurvarinder. That’s right.
Ophelie. Still reading the book, I see.
Gurvarinder. I’m a slow reader.
Ophelie. You never asked me if I gambled.
Gurvarinder. I’m sorry?
Ophelie. I asked you if you gambled.
Gurvarinder. Because of the book.
Ophelie. Yeah, but you never asked me if I gambled.
Gurvarinder. I guessed that you didn’t.
Ophelie. Really? Why?
Gurvarinder. You told me you finished the book in a day, but it wasn’t because counting cards was exciting to you, but because these counters were living the lives of whales. That’s intriguing. Beating the system.
Ophelie. To you as well.
Gurvarinder. Is there a system you want to beat?
Ophelie. The system of settlement.
Gurvarinder. That’s a hard one.
Ophelie. It is. I’m near collapse. I’ve gone as far as I can.
Gurvarinder. So that’s it? You’re settling down?
Ophelie. That is of course until I’m tired of settling down.
Gurvarinder. I don’t know how much I can help you, but I’d be willing to try.
Ophelie. Are you asking me out on a date?
Gurvarinder. It’s not exactly high stakes.
End. One to One

Chirashanthi. So what’s the plan for today?
Giunior. We’re going to the beach.
Chirashanthi. Crabbing?
Giunior. The chicken legs are packed in ice and the string is in my bag.
Chirashanthi. Not going to do the crab traps this time?
Giunior. Never again.
Chirashanthi. It’s a good idea if you do it right. I mean, all the crabs do is walk into the trap to get the bait and we pull them up. We just didn’t know about the rocks last time.
Giunior. Yeah, the last time we lost both traps in the rock. We came home with just the rope.
Chirashanthi. What happened to that rope?
Giunior. I brought it with me when I went to Nepal.
Chirashanthi. Not for climbing, I hope.
Giunior. No, not for climbing, but I did actually use it.
Chirashanthi. When?
Giunior. We used it to pull out a boy’s body that was caught deep in the rocks of a river.
Chirashanthi. Was the boy okay?
Giunior. He fell off a cliff into the water. We finally found his body after three days.
Chirashanthi. Did you know him?
Giunior. No, I was around when they found the body, and I offered the rope to get him out of the rocks. A couple days later, the family found the room I was staying to thank me. They also returned the rope to me, but I didn’t want it, and the family didn’t want it, so I gave it away.
Chirashanthi. To who?
Giunior. Some trekker in a café. I overheard a conversation between him and his friend about getting some rope but not wanting to pay foreigner prices for it.
Chirashanthi. I’m surprised that you gave the rope away.
Giunior. I’m surprised too. That was a memento from our trip to the shore, but that rope also became the rope that pulled that boy’s body out of the water. It changed. I couldn’t keep it, but I did tell the trekkers the history behind the rope so they didn’t simply consider it a length of ordinary rope.
Chirashanthi. Remember how hard you pulled trying to get those cages out of the rocks?
Giunior. People around us thought we caught something enormous. I was embarrassed and proud at the same time. I really let the fact that the rope was used to pull out a dead body affect me. Because of the rope, I had some sort of far connection to his death.
Chirashanthi. I had a far connection to death once.
Giunior. Really? What was it?
Chirashanthi. I was on a train that hit a car at a crossing. Both the driver and passenger died. When it happened, I remember being half asleep since it was so late, but I barely realized that the train felt as if it was sliding across the tracks rather than rolling along them. Two hours later did the engineer announce why we stopped. After a couple more hours, we continued to the next station. I looked in newspapers at the library to see if there was an article written about it, but there was nothing. Two people died, and I was in the train that killed them. That’s my far connection to death.
Giunior. I sometimes imagine our crab traps still out there in the water with crabs living out the rest of their lives in them with the occasional attempt of cutting through the cage with their claws.
Chirashanthi. Do you sometimes think of the boy in the river?
Giunior. Sometimes. Do you think of those two people who died in the car?
Chirashanthi. Sometimes.
End. Far Connections

One.
Evengia. How’s it going?
Milen. I’m a little frustrated.
Evengia. What happened?
Milen. We were in the library, and Anet asked me what I was reading. I told her that I was reading an article on the effect on a person’s height and how the Europeans are generally taller than Americans when a couple of years ago, it was the other way around. She found it interesting so I continued with an observation.

Two.
Milen. I remember how much taller the Germans were when they played U.S.A. in the World Cup, but I guess one reason would be because tall people in America would play basketball rather than soccer.
Evengia. Yeah, really.
Orlin. But height doesn’t correlate into playing better soccer.
Milen. It helps. America looked helpless against Germany.
Orlin. That’s Germany. Look at Brazil. They’ve got to be one of the smallest teams.
Milen. That’s true.

Three.
Evengia. You’re frustrated because Orlin proved your little theory wrong?
Milen. I didn’t say that to be tall was to be a superior soccer player. I just used the World Cup as an example because it was the only forum I could think of where you could generally compare the heights of two different nations.
Evengia. Interesting, Orlin misunderstood your point.
Milen. I didn’t realize what happened until a couple minutes later, but by then, we were talking about something else.
Evengia. You didn’t talk about it?
Milen. Would you?
Evengia. I think it’s interesting enough to point it out. You’re pointing it out to me. So he thinks he’s right, and you know you’re right. No big deal, right?
Milen. I want Orlin to know he’s wrong.
End. Wrong Talk

Faisal. Abdel, get up.
Abdel. What are you doing in my bedroom, Faisal?
Faisal. They opened up the Jordan border. Can you believe it?
Abdel. No, I cannot. Now let me sleep.
Faisal. You don’t understand, Abdel. We can go to Jordan and come back with a used-car.
Abdel. Who do you think I am? How am I supposed to get a car?
Faisal. They have cheap used cars in Jordan.
Abdel. Who told you this?
Faisal. Lutfu. He’s taking his truck and his son to get a car for himself.
Abdel. He’s crazy. He has a nice truck. Why does he need another car?
Faisal. Because they’re cheap.
Abdel. How cheap?
Faisal. Three hundred and twenty five.
Abdel. Why do you need to lie to get me out of my bed?
Faisal. I do not lie to you.
Abdel. I’ve always wanted to drive down the new highway.
Faisal. I know.
Abdel. Does the Wadi El Murbah travel all the way to Amman?
Faisal. I’m not sure. I believe so.
Abdel. We can float in the Dead Sea.
Faisal. Are you awake now?
End. Awake in the Dead Sea

Acquistapace. Is that it?
Essa. This is it. This is what I’ve been telling you about.
Acquistapace. Does it work?
Essa. I just conducted a test just before you got here. I have to tell you. I’m a little shaken. I’m still getting used to having my deep emotions revealed to me in such a plain and visible manner.
Acquistapace. Are you okay?
Essa. I’ll be okay. I’m emotionally exhausted though.
Acquistapace. You look it. I’m a little concerned. Do you want to lie down?
Essa. No, I’ll be fine, but don’t be alarmed if I let loose into tears.
Acquistapace. This isn’t right, Essa. How can you say you’re going to be fine?
Essa. You have to believe me, Acquistapace. I feel emotionally released. I know I sound like I’ve lost my head, but I feel humiliated and liberated. I feel like my life is going to change because of this.
Acquistapace. I don’t know what to think of all this. You’re telling me your machine did this to you?
Essa. Yes. You might not understand though. You should try the machine yourself. Here, put this on you head.
Acquistapace. Get that thing off me!
End. Fear of Freedom

Endri. You know, I thought that cooking meals would satisfy my need to create something.
Tzipora. It doesn’t?
Endri. I’ve been trying to figure why it hasn’t. I mean, it has some components of creation: creating something from several different things, having an audience enjoy it, what else? Is that all?
Tzipora. Doesn’t it take some imagination to cook?
Endri. I think that’s what’s missing. I have no imagination in my cooking.
Tzipora. What do you mean? You’re cooking is great.
Endri. But I’m just following directions. I could almost say that I’m afraid to do something off from what the recipe instructs. If I don’t have rosemary, I have to go to the market and get some. I can’t improvise really. It’s a little unsettling. I’ve been reevaluating how I go about life. I think it goes further than following recipes with mindless precision. My life is on cruise control. Any deviation from the straight line I’ve led myself to believe in following and I reveal how truly paralyzed I am.
Tzipora. When you’re cooking and following the recipe, how certain are you that whatever you cook will come out right?
Endri. I guess it depends, but most of the time I suffer from the anxiety that it won’t be any good.
Tzipora. I wonder if it’s similar to when mothers experience anxiety about their baby before their born.
Endri. I guess it would be easier if I cooked all by myself. I wouldn’t care about the outcome of what I cooked, but when I cook for others, I find myself asking how they liked the meal.
Tzipora. It makes sense. You’re cooking for them.
Renata. Then who am I living for because it doesn’t feel like myself.
End. Cooking for Life

Torben. Read this.
Petra. What is this, a recipe?
Torben. Yeah, but look at what the recipe’s for.
Petra. I don’t get it. Filet mingon’s been crossed out and your name’s in place of it. Two eight-ounce Torben steaks. You better not be planning to cook yourself, because I don’t think I could look at your empty face as I cut into your flesh.
Torben. Elspeth mailed this to me.
Petra. Elspeth? Sounds like she’s mad at you.
Torben. Yeah, interesting how her want to devour me equates into hatred.
Petra. What did you do?
Torben. She caught me kicking her dog.
Petra. You kicked her dog?
Torben. I’ve always believed that there are two types of people. There are people who adore dogs and have no problems adoring any dog anywhere. Then there are people who simply don’t know what to do with dogs and become confused so they do things they wouldn’t normally do.
Petra. Like kick them?
Torben. Do you want to eat me too?
Petra. It does say to wrap you in bacon.
Torben. I guess it’ll help bring the flavor out of me.
End. Wrap Bacon Around Steaks and Tie
psatwentyseventwo

Antonelle. I saw a strange thing with this man at a payphone last night.
Torsten. What happened?
Antonelle. Okay, well. He’s an older man. Let’s say he’s in his seventies because of his stringy silver hair and crumpled arms. Anyway, he’s bending over the dial pad with this flashlight flashing into the numbers.
Torsten. Sounds like he came prepared.
Antonelle. Yeah, it’s as if he’s had this problem before where he could not read the dial pad at night and got tired of it, so his solution is to bring a flashlight with him so that he wouldn’t have to read in the dark.
Torsten. I wonder who he would be calling.
Antonelle. Wife or a son or daughter to ask them where he is and to pick him up? I don’t know. It’s something that he does with frequency.
Torsten. It’s a little strange. Why doesn’t he realize that the numbers on all payphones are identical? He could just memorize the layout.
Antonelle. I guess bringing the flashlight is a more tangible solution.
Torsten. Yeah, cause he’s lost it. I wonder if he brings anything else with him.
Antonelle. Like a knife or exact change?
Torsten. A knife would make sense. He may have been mugged before.
Antonelle. Seventy years without being mugged. Is that possible?
Torsten. Anything’s possible within seventy years of life.
End. Light on Numbers

Ruxandra. So, did you do anything today?
Parsa. I did laundry.
Ruxandra. You have machines in your building, don’t you?
Parsa. Yeah, something happened to my laundry today.
Ruxandra. What, did someone steal your clothes?
Parsa. I did leave my drying laundry to be taken from my possession to return some library books, and when I returned, I found all my clothes out of the drier, folded and sorted into four separate piles.
Ruxandra. So, you don’t know who did it?
Parsa. No.
Ruxandra. Did you want to?
Parsa. I don’t know really. I checked the drier that I used and a woman’s clothing were rolling around in the machine.
Ruxandra. Have you fallen in love?
Parsa. Oh, come on.
Ruxandra. Then why did you go look in the drier?
Parsa. Okay, I did want to know if it was a man or a woman.
Ruxandra. Does it matter?
Parsa. It does. I’m more comfortable having a woman fold my clothes than a man.
Ruxandra. You want to meet this woman, don’t you?
Parsa. I’m just curious.
Ruxandra. You already have an image of her in your mind, don’t you? This perfect little woman folding your clothes.
Parsa. It’s better than a perfect little man folding my clothes.
End. Folding Preference

Gia. What’s with your fingers?
Marwan. Oh, yeah. I had to be fingerprinted today for work.
Gia. Really? Can’t sneak into the boss’s closet of toys and cookies anymore?
Marwan. You know, when the guy was fingerprinting me, I couldn’t relax.
Gia. Feel like you did something wrong?
Marwan. I guess I was trying too hard helping him fingerprint me. He kept on telling me to relax and let him do the prints. I couldn’t help rolling my fingers with him. I really had to concentrate to relax.
Gia. Did you actually relax?
Marwan. I ended up concentrating on a screen saver of a three dimensional bouncing ball on the computer next to me, but you’re right. I think on some sort of subconscious level, I did feel like I did something wrong and that they would find out.
Gia. But what did you do wrong?
Marwan. I don’t know, but now they’re going to find out.
End. Printing Tells All

Claudine. Any notes today?
Sertab. Yeah, paper boats and streams.
Claudine. Want to tell me about it?
Sertab. There was this park. I can’t remember driving into a parking lot, but we must have. My parents and their friends would play doubles on courts with cracks that black ants would run in and out of. I remember trees, not like a forest, but more like a roof, making a shaded, hollowed out shelter. I can’t remember being able to hear the stream down old skewed up concrete stairs, but I do remember what the water should sound like wrinkling over and around top dry stones my brother and I would stand on, bending over without getting our shorts wet. I remember silver flecks reflecting from the silt. It must have been rich soil.
Claudine. Did you make paper boats to float down the stream?
Sertab. My dad had newspaper from him. Probably from the car, or maybe he found it lying somewhere and got the idea to make paper boats. The boats were enormous, capable of cracking through rock in its path. I imagined it that way. We made three boats. It would have made sense to make a boat out of a sheet from the coupon section, but I can’t remember if we did. We made our boats and put them into the stream.
Claudine. What happened?
Sertab. They never went straight with the flow of the stream curving them to the side. The water would soak in and undo the tight folds we put into our paper boats. I can’t remember them sinking, but they must have.
End. Paper Boats in the Stream

Ai. There’s my friend in the middle of the row. You can give half to him and I’ll take the rest.
Theater Usher. If you can take this, sir.
Marianthi. Um, okay? I got it. Thank you.
Theater Usher. Enjoy the movie.
Ai. Thanks.
Marianthi. What is all this?
Ai. Two drinks, one for you and one for me, a popcorn to share, gummy bears, snowcaps, and this is a hot dog with chili and cheese. Oh, do you want a pickle?
Marianthi. Yes?
Ai. Napkin?
Marianthi. Thanks. You know, I don’t think I ever remember you getting anything ever at the concession stands whenever we watch a movie.
Ai. Yeah, it’s a rule of mine not to.
Marianthi. But now?
Ai. Do you know why we make rules, Marianthi?
Marianthi. I guess to keep things in order.
Ai. Right. I made this rule of not eating anything when watching a movie because I wanted to experience the entire movie as a pure whole. I want to devote my entire attention towards whatever is presented on the screen in front of me and not have any distractions like eating popcorn and finding a place for the bag when you’re done. You have rules like that, don’t you?
Marianthi. Sure, I don’t go to movies or restaurants alone.
Ai. Have you ever?
Marianthi. I have, and it’s not a pleasant experience. I become extremely paranoid.
Ai. Do you think you could just go to the movies by yourself?
Marianthi. There has to be certain circumstances for me to go to the movies by myself.
Ai. Like what?
Marianthi. Actually, I would go see a Woody Allen movie by myself. No one really goes to see his films anymore, so it’s interesting to laugh with the few people in a theater watching, but I guess in that way I don’t really feel like I’m watching it all by myself. We’re all watching by ourselves in a way. At least, that’s how I think of it.
Ai. What if I left?
Marianthi. What do you mean? Leave now?
Ai. Yeah. What if I just left you with all this food?
Marianthi. Well then, in theory, this would be my worst nightmare come real - Eating a meal and watching a movie alone.
Ai. Would you really eat all this and watch the movie?
Marianthi. Probably not.
Ai. It’s really tempting to leave.
Marianthi. I’d understand if you did.
Ai. You would?
Marianthi. You need to.
Ai. I’m afraid I do.
End. Getting Up
onesamseventeensixteen

Endri. Sometimes I feel like I’m just wasting my time here.
Tzipora. Why? What’s going on?
Endri. I wanted to make pretzels, and the recipe required tepid water of one hundred and ten degrees Fahrenheit, and the way it was written, it seemed like it was important that the water be one-ten, but how hot is that?
Tzipora. I guess not very hot since it’s supposed to be tepid.
Endri. Right, but I convince myself that I had to heat this water to exactly one hundred and ten degrees.
Tzipora. So what’d you do?
Endri. I went out and got myself a seven-dollar thermometer. It goes from zero to two hundred and twenty degrees. I can now cook meat to a perfect medium with this thing, and you know me with new things. I wanted to try it out on everything. I boiled water and it told me what is was in Fahrenheit, I put it on the windows to see the difference between the surface and the air inside the room, but then I put the thermometer under running hot water and guess what it said?
Tzipora. What?
Endri. I’ll let you know for seven dollars.
End. One Hundred and Ten Equals Seven Dollars

One.
Pashko. I was going through my stuff the other day, and I ran across this.
Libuse. “The Selected Writings of Edgar Allan Poe.” It’s a pretty old copy.
Pashko. Open up the cover.
Libuse. “Klara Deen, 424-7086, R.U., Mr. Berkey.” Previous owner?
Pashko. An English teacher from high school lent me this book to write a paper on Poe. I’ve been borrowing this book for twelve years now.
Libuse. I think it’s beyond borrowing. You’ve stolen from Ms. Klara Deen.
Pashko. I think Klara’s the name of my English teacher’s wife.

Two.
Klara Deen. Honey, I’m trying to find my Edgar Allen Poe book. I can’t find it.
Scoville Kavcic. It’s not in the bookcase?
Klara Deen. Nope. You know? I can’t remember the last time I saw it.
Scoville Kavcic. This was a while ago, but I remember letting one of my students borrow the book once. He was having trouble with a term paper on Poe. I’m trying to remember, but I don’t think he ever returned it.
Klara Deen. I wanted to read my side notes on his poetry. I thought it would help me with this verse I’m working on.
Scoville Kavcic. I wonder if he still has your book. I thought it would have helped him.
Klara Deen. Did it?
Scoville Kavcic. He never finished the paper for me.

Three.
Pashko. I never did finish that paper, and I ended up getting a miserable grade that quarter. I could never show that report card to my parents, so I thought of a place where no one could imagine a report card would be.
Libuse. Where’s that?
Pashko. Rolled up in the guest room’s window shade. It’s funny why I didn’t just think of burning it or throwing it away. Instead, I had to hide it. I kind of wonder if knowing exactly where it is gave me some sort of calm about my grade.
Libuse. But your parent’s found out about it, right?
Pashko. Being a failure to my parents was always tough to confront.
Libuse. When I was young, it was difficult for me to return library books. For some reason they would run overdue, and I would have to pay five cents from my allowance each day it was late. I don’t think I could handle the impact of my saved money leaking nickel by nickel. So I responded to the stress by hiding the book behind the stereo speakers and hoped that such a random place would be enough for the library to forget about the book and the overdue charges. It didn’t dawn on me that simply returning the book would have been the best solution.
Pashko. Yeah, returning this book was really difficult for me to do.
End. Books Kept and Hidden

Guillermo. Are you going to get that?
Asa. Don’t worry about it. It’s no one.
Guillermo. Who is it?
Asa. Never mind. Just try to ignore it.
Guillermo. Do you want me to go and send the guy off?
Asa. No, he’ll just ask more questions. Don’t make it more complicated than it really is.
Guillermo. He’s pretty persistent. How long do you think he’s going to knock on your door?
Asa. I don’t care. Just leave it alone. Please.
Guillermo. Are you sure you don’t want me to do something about it?
Asa. I know you want to, but I really don’t want you to.
Guillermo. Then could you let me know who’s knocking at your door?
Asa. I guess it is difficult to recognize your own knocking.
End. On Both Sides

Kave. I got the job.
Nuala. You did? Finally. How do you feel?
Kave. I don’t know if I’m going to take it or not.
Nuala. What do you mean? You’ve been waiting for them to respond for how long now?
Kave. Five months.
Nuala. What happened?
Kave. I came here because I had an understanding that I had a job here, but all of the sudden I don’t have a job with them. Now they come to me saying that they now have a job for me. Five months.
Nuala. I know.
Kave. I cannot believe they make me wait five months. I hate to admit it, but I’ll probably take the job.
Nuala. What’s wrong with that?
Kave. I’m only taking it because I have no self-respect. Whatever I had disappeared during those five months. I would like to say that I could refuse the job just flat out, but taking this job would make my life easier.
Nuala. Then take it. I don’t see anything wrong in taking it.
Kave. I’m like a kid who’s been refused to be given a toy, but when the toy is given to the kid, the kid refuses it.
Nuala. It’s stubborn pride.
Kave. Of which I have very little.
End. A Five Month Process

Ekram. I passed this guy on a payphone in the subway today.
Enza. Oh?
Ekram. He stopped me and asked me for a quarter. He couldn’t find one in his pockets or his jacket. It looked like he was in a rush.
Enza. Did you give him a quarter?
Ekram. I did, but it made me think. I usually don’t give change to beggars asking for money, but I just gave this guy a quarter just because he had (in my initial mind) a legitimate reason to ask for a quarter. He immediately needed a quarter to continue his conversation. I saw that, so I decided to help.
Enza. Right. Makes sense.
Ekram. But what about beggars in general? They ask for change in order to get a meal, which would be more important than a phone call, but see. What are beggars buying with their change? Is it food? Beer? I really don’t know.
Enza. So it’s easier for you to give a quarter to the guy at the payphone because you know he’s going to use it for the payphone.
Ekram. Right, which makes this guy a genius.
Enza. Why?
Ekram. Cause there was no one on the other side of that telephone call.
End. Dialtone for Quarters

Ulian. See that man?
Bieta. Which one? The one by the bowling alley?
Ulian. He’s there every single day.
Bieta. Maybe he works there.
Ulian. He doesn’t.
Bieta. How do you know that? Have you been following him?
Ulian. I just bowled a couple of frames. He doesn’t work there, but he doesn’t really bowl there either. He’ll come in, get something to eat from the bar, and go to another room.
Bieta. Then he has to work there. I mean, what kind of room does he go into?
Ulian. I don’t know really, but he doesn’t work there.
Bieta. How do you know that?
Ulian. I went up to him and asked him if he could help me with my scoring machine, and he told me that he didn’t work there. I tried going through the door, and it was locked. No sign either. He’s a part of some sort of underground, Bieta. Look, he’s going back into the bowling alley. Do you want to bowl a couple frames?
Bieta. Why do you want to make your life more exciting than it really is?
Ulian. Isn’t it obvious?
End. The Thrill of Bowling

Rabie. Hey, are you okay?
Thoma. You know? I've never been so alienated by music before. It’s very interesting.
Rabie. Why? Don’t you like the music?
Thoma. No, the music's great. Everyone's extremely talented. Everyone's feeding off each other. That's how music should be played, really.
Rabie. Then what's the problem?
Thoma. Each musician was playing to one another. In essence, they were conducting conversations with each other. Even you picked up those drumsticks and start hitting on things. Every participant playing, singing, or dancing was communicating with each other. I just felt like I was not a part of the conversation, so I decided to leave.
Rabie. You could have joined in on us. I mean, I'm no musician. You know that.
Thoma. Yeah, I was feeling a bit musically antisocial.
Rabie. That's okay. Are you sure you don't want to come back in and maybe listen?
Thoma. That music's not supposed to be listened to.
End. Musically Uninvolved

Ilo. What’s that in your hand?
Serafin. Oh yeah. I don’t think I told you this, but I joined a cult without knowing it.
Ilo. A cult, really?
Serafin. At first I thought it was an association that promoted growing organic foods, but some of the tasks we did in our garden had this cultish feel to it.
Ilo. What do you mean?
Serafin. While gardening, there was someone with a hand bell who would occasionally ring it. When he rang it, we were supposed to stop what we were doing and stand still until he rang the bell again.
Ilo. Why?
Serafin. While standing still, we were supposed to meditate on the specific action that we were just doing. Say I was transferring a tomato plant and the bell rang while my trowel was in the soil. I was supposed to stop there and imagine everything about my stillness, the soil touching the metal of the trowel, me bending over, my knees bending into the dirt, the tomato plant roots waiting to be sifted from one place to another. I really didn’t get it. I just wanted to grow plants.
Ilo. Sounds very irregular.
Serafin. Yeah, I like the organic foods and cooking, but everything else is not for me. It’s not worth being a part of it, really.
Ilo. So are you going to leave?
Serafin. That’s the thing. I tried just not going to the garden these last couple of weeks, but people from the garden started to call me, and asked me why I have not been doing my duties, and how disappointed they were of me. I didn’t really need any of it, so I finally told them that I did not want to be a part of their association any longer, but in order for me to be cut off from them, they asked me to write a handwritten, signed letter saying that I have decided to kill myself from the garden. I actually had to write, “I have decided to kill myself from the garden.”
Ilo. Is that the letter in your hand?
Serafin. Yeah, I have to hand it in in person.
Ilo. Did you want me to go with you?
Serafin. Please.
End. Ending the Association

Rakip. Hey, Kadri?
Kadri. What is it?
Rakip. Um, before we go play poker, I think I’ll play some slots.
Kadri. Why do you want to do that?
Rakip. I’m a little nervous.
Kadri. Why slots? Why not roulette, or shoot some craps?
Rakip. I just need to get the edge off me with some mindless gambling.
Kadri. It’s not because we’re right here in the middle of all these slots with their fancy lights and bells ringing for you?
Rakip. What are you trying to say?
Kadri. Haven’t you noticed that in order to get to a poker table we have to go though every other gambling table?
Rakip. Yeah, I wanted to check out the Pai Gow tables. That looked interesting.
Kadri. The casino doesn’t make money when we play poker. They’d rather us lose our money on anything else. That’s why we pass everything else before we get to the tables.
Rakip. But I just want to slip a couple of dollars into the slots. It’s not big deal, right?
Kadri. You’re falling right into what the casino wants you to do.
Rakip. Eh, I won’t be ruined by it, that’s all that matters to me.
Kadri. I’m not going to be surprised if I find you at the Pai Gow tables.
Rakip. You got to take it easy. This place is like an ocean. You just flow with the tide.
Kadri. Do you know what time it is?
Rakip. No, I don’t have a watch. Why?
End. Signs of Trouble

One.
Casino Security. Hold on, what’s that?
Evald. Oh, this machine is connected to my circulation. If I don’t have it with me, my blood will pump backwards, and I’ll die.
Casino Security. I’m not sure I can let you in with that thing.
Evald. Sir, I’m not going to last the year. You’re going to tell me I came all the way here to be refused?
Casino Security. Look, I never saw anything like that machine. How do I know you’re telling me the truth? How do I know it does what you’re telling me it does?
Evald. All I want to do is play a little roulette. Please, let a dying man play some roulette.
Casino Security. Okay, okay, just tell me how the machine works, you know, where the tubes go and what not. Now you say it’s got to do with your circulation?
Evald. Yes, this tube goes into my blood circulation and this one goes out. The machine replenishes the red blood cells with oxygen and nutrients and reincorporates it into my system.
Casino Security. Uh huh, what about this display?
Evald. That gives me my blood statistics, and I can manually enter in commands to control the blood intake.
Casino Security. Seems like a very complicated machine.
Evald. It is. Now that you’ve seen the machine. Please, let this dying man gamble.
Casino Security. Okay, sir. Good luck.

Two.
Roulette Dealer. No more bets.
Winner, twenty-eight black.
Evald. What do you know? My lucky day.
Roulette Dealer. If I didn’t know better, your circulation machine’s helping you win.
Evald. How dare you accuse me? This machine is keeping me alive.
Roulette Dealer. I apologize, sir.
Evald. You make me sick. I’m leaving this table and this casino. I just came here to gamble, and all I get is hassled by you types.

Three.
Fane. Hey, your back. How did the Roulette Key work?
Evald. I won about fifty grand.
Fane. Not too bad for one night.
Evald. I think they’re on to us. This thing’s too big. They’re going to find out what it really does.
Fane. Just don’t go back to the same casino.
Evald. How many casinos are we going to hit?
Fane. Well, there one down, eleven more left. Hopefully, all of them will let you in. You couldn’t win more than fifty grand?
Evald. I was getting nervous, and the man at the table was noticing that I was getting nervous.
Fane. You’re just not used to being so dishonest. It takes some time. Maybe you should play some poker before you play roulette and practice bluffing. Maybe that’ll help you calm you down.
Evald. I think I need to practice getting excited about winning so much money.
Fane. Like this? I can’t believe it! I just won fifty grand! I never won anything in my life! What should I do? What am I going to do? Isn’t life great?
Fane. Why am I out there and not you?
End. The Risk of the Roulette Key

One.
Maksim. Hi there.
Faruk. Hello.
Maksim. Finally made it, huh?
Faruk. Never again.
Maksim. Well, you do have to go back.
Faruk. I’m going to take my time going back. Getting here was absolute hell.
Maksim. How long did it take you to get here?
Faruk. What time is it now?
Maksim. Just before 3:30
Faruk. Well, just about six hours.
Maksim. Jump in the pools?
Faruk. Every chance I got. Looks like you’ve been here for a few days.
Maksim. About a week now.
Faruk. Really? You brought that much food?
Maksim. Not really. I came here with a bunch of my friends, they left three days ago.
Faruk. What do you do about food?
Maksim. Luckily, other hikers come along and volunteer some of their food with me. I pay for it if they let me. I’m no beggar.
Faruk. I’m guessing you would want me to donate something to your cause.
Maksim. Of course I would be willing to pay for it.
Faruk. Well, I can give you a day’s worth and leave here earlier.
Maksim. Much appreciated.
Faruk. So when are you planning to go back?
Maksim. I gather when I run out of food. I’m not looking forward to the return hike up and down those valleys, through the trees and tall grass, that climb up that cliff. I loathed every step.
Faruk. I did too.
Maksim. I’m not going to go back until I’m forced to.
Faruk. Well, I’m going to set up camp. I’ll be back with food.
Maksim. Thanks again. Much appreciated.

Two.
Faruk. Hello?
Maksim. Hi, there. On your way back?
Faruk. Yes, but I was wondering. I could call someone up for you. Tell them you’re all right.
Maksim. Yeah, that’ll be funny. Denes’ll get a phone call from a stranger saying that I’m okay.
Faruk. I can do that if you like. What do you want me to tell Denes?
Maksim. Tell him that I have his wallet and passport. If he’s wants to get them, he has to come get them.
End. Retribution for Hiking

Galius. I can’t help think about the countdown to New Year’s, Arben.
Arben. What about it?
Galius. It’s a countdown, and I think consciously or unconsciously (I can’t tell) I feel like when the time reaches 12:00, something horrible will happen.
Arben. Like what?
Galius. I think it has to do with computer scare when 2000 was near. I can’t shake the notion that the entire world runs on computers, and if they shut down, this world would cease to function. I would not be surprised if an old computer responsible for Earth’s rotation was buried near the center of the Earth.
Arben. A what?
Galius. 2000 would come and the computer at the center of the earth would think it was the year 1000, but then it wouldn’t matter because the computer would continue to control the Earth’s rotation as if it was the year 1000.
Galius. So then there’s nothing to be worried about, right?
Arben. But what if a team of scientists found this computer and realized the year was wrong and decided to correct the problem?
Galius. Then the computer’s year would be correct. No harm, right?
Arben. I’m not sure. What if the computer was programmed to stop the Earth’s rotation in the year 2004?
Galius. Then I guess we would be floating in our cars.
End. The Computer Buried Near the Center of the Earth

Hajrie. What are you making?
Veniamin. Pumpkin soup.
Hajrie. Isn’t cutting up the pumpkin tough to do?
Veniamin. It is, and I know one of these days this blade’ll slip into my fingers.
Hajrie. It’s possible. Why don’t you be careful?
Veniamin. I am, but there’ll be a moment when I’m not paying attention, and that’s that.
Hajrie. Sounds like you’ve created a traumatic event for yourself.
Veniamin. But if that’s true, then I would be afraid of chopping pumpkins.
Hajrie. Aren’t you?
Veniamin. I think I need to actually experience the trauma of cutting my hand before I can actually be afraid.
Hajrie. So until then, you’ll be making pumpkin soup.
Veniamin. I wonder how bad it would be.
End. Chopping Pumpkins for Soup

Suren. Sir, can you spare me some change?
Donatas. I’m sorry, no.
Suren. I can read your palm.
Donatas. It’s okay. I don’t need my palm read.
Suren. Please sir. Let me take your hand.
Donatas. I’m sorry I cannot give you change.
Suren. Here, give me your hand. I will give you a palm reading. You don’t need to give me change. Let me see your palm.
Donatas. Please.
Suren. Your palm. Believe me. You are a good man.
Donatas. Thank you.
Suren. Please, can you spare me some change? You are a good man.
Donatas. Please, I need to go.
End. Good Hands

Pranod. So what’s Uchkun’s story?
Artashes. What. Why does he want to be chased?
Pranod. Yeah, what’s the deal?
Artashes. He gets people to chase him so he’s not depressed.
Pranod. Being chased helps him with his depression?
Artashes. Say you’re depressed, and you have no motivation to do anything. What better way to get your ass moving than having someone chase you? Your instincts switch on. Depression takes a seat.
Pranod. That’s where the money comes in.
Artashes. Right. The chaser has to pay fifty dollars to chase Uchkun all over the city, but if the chaser catches Uchkun in an hour, he’ll win five hundred dollars. If not, then it’s fifty dollars in Uchkun’s pocket.
Pranod. You’d think that if Uchkun was extremely depressed, he wouldn’t care and get caught on purpose.
Artashes. That’s what I was thinking when he was getting away from me.
End. Running From

Nuno. Will you teach me how to float?
Serapion. Do you really believe that I can float?
Nuno. I saw you do it.
Serapion. But why me? Why is it that I can float? Who am I? I’m nobody.
Nuno. But you can. For some reason you can float.
Serapion. When I float, I feel nothing. I just float. That’s all. When I land, everyone around me is shocked. I feel I moved something inside their bodies, but I did nothing. There was a time when I video taped myself floating to watch myself so that maybe I could understand why I can float.
Nuno. What happened?
Serapion. The man in the television screen was not me. Someone else was floating, not me.
Nuno. But when I watched you float, you looked the same to me.
Serapion. It makes sense that it is not me floating though.
End. Floating Doubt

Perika. I have to tell you something.
Esat. What is it?
Perika. Coming here, I got into an accident.
Esat. What? Are you okay?
Perika. I’m fine, but your car. I hit your car.
Esat. What? My car? It was parked. What happened?
Perika. The roads are icy. I just lost control and hit your car.
Esat. Is it bad?
Perika. Yes. I’m so sorry.
Esat. I need my car to get to work. How am I going to get to work?
Perika. I don’t know.
Esat. I can’t believe this is happening.
Perika. I wish I hit a tree or even someone else’s car. I’m so sorry.
Esat. I need to go outside. See how bad it is.
Perika. Please, Esat. Will you forgive me?
Esat. Let’s go outside. I need to get my coat. Wait here for me.
End. Assessing the Damage

One.
Yoichi. It’s been a while since I sat down and read a book.
Kikuko. What’s stopping you?
Yoichi. I guess I forgot that I used to read often.
Kikuko. You’re lucky enough to remember.
Yoichi. Know any authors I can read?
Kikuko. John le Cárre.
Yoichi. Who’s that?
Kikuko. I don’t know really. I read this short story by Haruki Murakami, and the protagonist was on vacation reading a novel by John le Cárre by the side of a pool in Thailand. I’ve been meaning to pick up one of his novels to see any correlations. By the way John le Cárre was referenced, he seemed to be this chic author not many people know about. I’m not even sure he exists at all.
Yoichi. John le Cárre. I wonder who he is. Everything’s up in the air. I’ll look him up.

Two.
Yoichi. Hi, I’m looking for novels by an author named John le Cárre. I can’t seem to find him under “l” or “c.”
Clerk. You’ll find him under “l” in the mystery section.
Yoichi. Ah, mystery.
End. Under Mystery

Bahia. Did you do it?
Erast. I’ll be leaving the job in two weeks.
Bahia. Congratulations. How does it feel?
Erast. I feel guilty.
Bahia. Guilty? Really? Not relieved?
Erast. I met the manager to talk about my leaving.
Bahia. Ms. Sansushkin, right?
Erast. Right. When I told her that I was planning to leave, she asked me when, and I told her in two weeks, but then her face changed. It reminded me of Ginette.
Bahia. Ginette? Your ex-girlfriend?
Erast. Yeah. When I told Ms. Sansushkin I was leaving in two weeks, she looked the same Ginette looked when I broke up with her. She took a moment, looked down at nothing, then gathered herself to ask me more questions. It’s like she gave up and accepted that I was leaving.
Bahia. Do you regret it?
Erast. Why did I think leaving would be so easy?
End. Giving Notice

Silvija. Hey, come in.
Bentsion. So what’s going on?
Silvija. Take a look at this.
Bentsion. No one’s playing that piano.
Silvija. Right. It’s playing music by itself.
Bentsion. It’s not one of those self-playing pianos, is it?
Silvija. Not that I can tell. There’s no electricity going to the piano, and there’s no gears moving the keys.
Bentsion. I don’t get it. How is it playing by itself?
Silvija. I don’t know, but listen to the music. I’ve been listening to it for two hours now. I think it plays according to its environment.
Bentsion. Are you saying that it’s aware of its surroundings?
Silvija. I don’t know, maybe. I played with the piano, and it played along with what I was playing.
Bentsion. But you’ve had this piano for a couple of years now. All the sudden, it’s playing music for you?
Silvija. Yeah, it’s like a strange gift. I don’t know who to thank. What are you doing?
Bentsion. I want to know how it’s playing. It’s just amazing.
Silvija. I’ve already looked inside. For all I can tell it’s a normal piano.
Bentsion. Do you have a toolbox?
Silvija. What?
Bentsion. I want to try something.
Silvija. I don’t think you should.
Bentsion. Don’t you want to know why it’s playing by itself?
Silvija. No, not really.
End. The Music Modifies

Larisa. Hey Eldor.
Eldor. Hey.
Larisa. What are you doing? Building a fire?
Eldor. I'm trying to, but I can't.
Larisa. It's harder to do in the snow, don't you think?
Eldor. If I can't do it here, how am I supposed to do it in Alaska?
Larisa. What are you talking about? Are you going to Alaska?
Eldor. I can't though.
Larisa. Why not?
Eldor. Because, if I'm stuck in the extreme cold of the wilderness by myself, I won't be able to build a fire before my fingers refuse to move.
Larisa. What's gotten into you? Why do you want to go to Alaska?
Eldor. I'm a weak person, Larisa. I don't like it.
Larisa. But like you said. You'll die in the Alaskan wilderness.
Eldor. Exactly.
End. No Fires in Alaska

Aravane. Having fun over there?
Ianis. Where were you?
Aravane. Around. I didn’t want to disturb you with your new friend.
Ianis. It was interesting though. I’ve never had a conversation with a person while taking photos. It was as if I was talking to the object I had in my frame. I took photos of the cake, and it was like the cake was asking me where I was from.
Aravane. She asked you where you were from? Sounds like she’s interested.
Ianis. Heck, I’m interested.
End. Conversations With

Yefim. I love your lips.
Sanja. Are you flirting with me again?
Yefim. Your lips are full, meaningful.
Sanja. How sad it would be to have meaningless lips. It’s one less thing I have to worry about.
Yefim. I think I know why I love your lips so much.
Sanja. Really, there’s no need to tell me. You could write a poem, and then send it to a nice girl.
Yefim. Your lips continue past where they should end. They humble me. I do not deserve to kiss lips so soft and giving.
Sanja. You have quite the imagination. You must have been thinking about it for some time now.
Yefim. Please. I must kiss you.
Sanja. When did you become so desperate? I don’t kiss desperate men. It puts wrong ideas into their heads.
Yefim. If you won’t kiss me, I will have to force myself on you.
Sanja. Couldn’t we shake hands?
End. Having Fun Not Kissing

Levan. What’s that?
Chaabia. I got the pictures of my dog developed.
Levan. Can I have a look at them?
Chaabia. Sure.
Levan. Very cute.
Chaabia. They remind me of photos that people put on posters when their dogs go missing.
Levan. Your dog’s not missing, is it?
Chaabia. No, but when Rousseau finds a way out and goes missing, then I’ll have to make a poster myself.
Levan. Do you really think Rousseau would do that?
Chaabia. I kind of feel Rousseau’s restless. I take him out on walks, but he needs something more. I took him out to the park the other day, and decided to let him loose and let him do whatever he wanted. He just flew. It took me two hours to find him.
Levan. Sounds like a teenaged son.
Chaabia. I think I’ll use this picture when I lose Rousseau.
Levan. It’s nice.
End. Preparation for the Eventual

Stas. That’s it.
Natalya. What?
Stas. That restaurant. Cebu.
Natalya. What about it?
Stas. I dreamt about it, but not the restaurant. I dreamt of going to an island called Cebu.
Natalya. What was it about?
Stas. I was at the beach of the island of Cebu. You could see that it was raining in the distance, so I wanted to stay at the beach for as long as I could until the rain came. Everyone else around me was screaming that the rain was coming, but I was confused. What was the big deal about the rain? But their screaming made me want to leave too. So, I went back to where the banana trees started and climbed up one of them to wait for the rain to come. When it came, it was horrible. Each raindrop was like a fist trying to rip the flesh off my bones. I remember thinking, “when is this going to end?” I just clung onto the tree until the storm finally past. When I woke up, I remembered the name of the island being Cebu. The name was familiar, but I couldn’t figure out where I knew it from.
Natalya. The name of the restaurant. Have you ever eaten there?
Stas. No, but I’ve been meaning to.
End. The Mystery of Cebu

Innokenti. I think the waiter likes you.
Anda. Don’t you think it’s too much though?
Innokenti. I can’t complain when someone buys us plates of desserts.
Anda. But don’t you think his questions are a little too personal?
Innokenti. When he asked you what you were studying? I guess he wanted to know the person he was getting the desserts for.
Anda. There’s a line to cross, and he’s definitely dancing on it. Doesn’t this bother you?
Innokenti. No, why should it? What’s he going to do?
Anda. I don’t know, but I think one more question will put him past the line of decency. I feel underneath the desserts and the jokes, he’s actually being serious.

Waiter. So, how do you like the desserts?
Anda. Very nice.
Innokenti. Yes, thank you very much.
Waiter. Do you like the sorbet? It is my favorite.
Anda. Yes, I enjoyed it very much.
Waiter. That’s good. So, tell me. Did you tell me the two of you were just friends?
Innokenti. Excuse me.
End. Innokenti Gets Out of His Chair, Goes to Anda, and Kisses Her

Ada. So, how did it go?
Tumur. How did what go?
Ada. Meeting your cousin.
Tumur. Oh, right. Pretty well, I suppose. It was like meeting a long lost sister, but we couldn't get past the obligation of being cousins.
Ada. What do you mean?
Tumur. She brought this up: The only reason why we're meeting is because our fathers were brothers.
Ada. So for her, being related by blood is not enough to get to know each other.
Tumur. I think it's because she felt the reason I wanted to see her was only out of obligation.
Ada. Sounds like you didn't have a good time.
Tumur. We did though. I thought so at least. She even trusted me with something she didn't want her family to know.
Ada. What is it?
Tumur. Let's just say she trusted me with it.
Ada. So she trusts you. That didn't help the obligation issue?
Tumur. Apparently not. When I suggested that we could meet again, she hesitated and gave me an ambiguous response. She really thought I suggested it out of obligation.
Ada. How unconsciously stubborn. She could have been like the sister you never had.
Tumur. I would have been a good older brother, too.
End. Obliged to Relate

Aravane. I’m having difficulties controlling my emotions, Uldis.
Uldis. How do you mean?
Aravane. Things are just triggering me. I can’t wait in lines anymore. I feel like bursting into flames. It’s going to take more than basic stress relief to resolve whatever is inside of me.
Uldis. This reminds me of a time when ghosts came into my dreams. They would come, enter my head, and scream their hatred inside of me.
Aravane. I guess you could call what’s inside of me ghosts screaming.
Uldis. I let it happen for about a month, but it was because I let myself believe that the next day would the day when the ghosts would have nothing to scream about, but they always had something the next day. They would fill my head with unnecessary hatred every morning.
Aravane. Are you still having these dreams?
Uldis. No, they’re gone. I finally realized that I could no longer wait out the ghosts. I had to do something about it. I was losing weight. I stopped grooming. I was a mess. People thought I was depressed, and I guess I was, but it wasn’t because of self-hatred or deep loss.
Aravane. What did you do?
Uldis. It took me some figuring out, but I found that if I slept somewhere else, like a bench or a friend’s house, the ghosts would not be in my dreams.
Aravane. So, they only came when you slept in your room. It’s specific to your room.
Uldis. Right.
Aravane. So did you move out?
Uldis. Nope. I took a long vacation in the Caribbean. I slept on the beach, next to waterfalls; I felt as though I was living to sleep rather than experiencing things awake.
Aravane. But what happened when you came back to your apartment?
Uldis. Nothing. The ghosts went away. I dream of friends in illogical situations.
Aravane. Where do you think the ghosts went?
Uldis. They weren’t real, Aravane. They were a product of my unconsciousness, and it was going though this sort of perpetual cycle. I broke it when I went on vacation, so my unconsciousness changed cycles so that the ghosts don’t come back anymore.
Aravane. What if they come back again?
Uldis. Well, I know if they do, I can do something about it.
Aravane. So, I have to change my unconscious perpetual cycle.
Uldis. It’s worth a try.
Aravane. I have no idea where to start.
Uldis. You’ll figure something out. I’ve always thought the unconsciousness was overrated anyways. Play within its rules, and you can beat it.
Aravane. I wonder if it’s healthy to fool the unconsciousness like that.
Uldis. It seems only fair.
End. Unconscious Perpetual Cycle

Attilio. What you want to do is find a rock and make sure that the monkeys see you pick it up. It's one of the things that separate us and monkeys. We can use things as tools and in this case, weapons.
Gennadi. How big does the rock have to be?
Attilio. Something large so that the monkey will scream when it hits its side. This'll do. See how the gang is moving away?
Gennadi. They seem pretty reluctant though.
Attilio. They may not want to, but they don't want to be hurt either. These monkeys are traumatized by little kids yelling and hurling rocks while they sleep.
Gennadi. Don't they have hostilities towards us because of that?
Attilio. They may want to do something to us, but they know that can't cross that line - no sense of sacrifice, selflessness.
Gennadi. They seem to have a lot of self-control. What happened to the wild inside?
Attilio. When is comes to pain, the wild scatters.
Gennadi. That monkey's coming our way.
Attilio. Get that rock over there.
Gennadi. But what if I miss and it angers him?
Attilio. It's never gotten to that point with me. Act if you're going to bury the rock into their skull. Monkeys don't know what it means to bluff.
Gennadi. I have to remember to only play poker with loaded monkeys.
End. Poker with Loaded Monkeys

Hristo. Hey.
Nana. Hello.
Hristo. What are you doing here?
Nana. I’m waiting for a friend.
Hristo. There are some chairs in the lounge.
Nana. I know, but look at this.
Hristo. What? The rest closet?
Nana. I just noticed it. What is a rest closet?
Hristo. Could be a restroom, but smaller.
Nana. Maybe, but I’m thinking there might be a bed in there.
Hristo. That would make sense too. Why? Are you tired?
Nana. It’s been a hard week. It would be nice to lie down.
Hristo. Here, let’s open the door and find out what a rest closet is.
Nana. It’s locked.
End. Disappearing into the Rest Closet