I want to kill myself to get this frustration out of my head. It would be so easy, but no. I’m supposed to be patient carry some self control, and wait it out. Let the frustration take it’s course while I sit, watching it subside. I can hear whispers ebb back into the green ocean swirl. I often imagine running a knife through my skinny stomach. One point in, then running the knife across, through the side of me. Then I would be out of my comfort zone, I would realize what real pain is. I was ready for death the day I fell off a cliff on a little island of Rapu Rapu in the Philippines, but I did not die. “This is it. I’m going to die. I’m ready,” were my thoughts while I was falling. I then collapsed onto rocky floor.

Nervousness rose in Melody’s voice, “We’ve been hiking for about two hours. Where is this village? There’s no sign of it.”
“I’m sure we’ll approach it soon. All we have to do is hug the coast. I said it’ll be the next village along the coast.”
“It’s going to get dark soon. Maybe we should turn back, and start again early the next morning.”
My watch had ten minutes until four o’clock. The sun would set a little over three more hours.
“I don’t think we should worry, but let’s keep going until four thirty. If there is no sign of the village, then we’ll turn back so we can return to the other village before the sun sets.”
After a few minutes, the trail we’ve been following forked into two paths. One path went down onto a beach, and the other led into the island.
“Which path are we going to take?”
“Well, the village is on the coast, so it’ll probably be surer to take the trail down to the beach. We’ll be sure to hit the village.”
The beach was a small white sanded beach. Every step revealed tiny flies that would jump and bury themselves into another portion of the sand. I felt the Philippino sun through my soaked tee shirt. The beach then turned into small boulders, which we had to climb and jump from boulder to boulder until we had to rest on the edge of a cliff ten meters above the rocks ocean below.
“This can’t be right. This can’t be the right trail.”
“It’ll be okay. Look, there’s a trail past the cliff.”
I checked my watch: ten minutes past four o’clock. The edge of the cliff was narrow with a patch of long grass before the wider trail began on the other side. I took a step with my right foot on the patch and made sure my foot was secure. I went head first over the cliff as I swung my other leg past the patch.
Rachel and Melody screamed my name, “Alfred!”
My chest hit the face of the rock as my arms wildly searched for something, a root, a notch in the face, anything to grab onto. My desperate clawing into the rock flipped me upright with my back to the rock face. I looked down and waited to die in the rocks below. I held a ready peace over my imminent death.
My knees buckled at the impact of a large boulder I crashed onto. I realized I had my eyes closed, and when I opened them, I saw the sky, distant from where my body lie. I sat up, and looked around. Rachel and Melody were still on the cliff above me.
“Alfred! Are you okay?”
“I think so. I can’t believe I just fell of a cliff.”
There was blood seeping from lesions on my ankles and back. I checked my body. I was sore all over, but nothing was broken.
Rachel called from the cliff, “I’m coming down.”
Melody kneeled down in shock. I checked the time, but my watch broke off my wrist.
“Are you hurt?”
“I can’t tell. I think the adrenaline’s masking the pain. I think I can get up.”
Rachel stopped the bleeding on most of my wounds, and I found that I could continue to the village.
Melody was adamant, “We have to go back.”
“What time is it?”
“A quarter till five. We have about two more hours of daylight.”
I paused to think, “Let’s keep on going until five o’five. If there’s no sign of a village then we’ll turn back. We have flashlights so we can afford an hour or so in the dark. The village has to be near.”
“Alfred, you just fell off a cliff. We have to turn back.”
“I feel fine for now. What if the village turns out to be only a few minutes away? That’ll be much better than turning back and hiking for two or three hours. I don’t know if I could handle it.”
Melody was quiet as we continued down the trail, but Rachel was in wonder to my falling off the cliff.
“I can’t believe you fell off a cliff.”
“I know, I can’t either.”
“What are you going to tell Jeremy?”
“I’ll tell him I fell off a cliff.”
After a few minutes, we met a man standing in the middle of the trail.
“Excuse me sir, where is the next village?”
“It is very near.”
“Can you tell us how far is it?”
“Five minutes walking.”
“Thank you.”